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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Will I ever fancy my husband again?” 

This is one of those messages I keep receiving so I thought I’d help you to see what I see.

If you translate that problem into my world she would be saying she has lost the energy that leads her to feel attraction for her husband.

As we are the creator of our own experience I would know you will not be connecting to the part of you that will allow that energy to flow freely.

The question is why?

Attraction isn’t an energy that dies, even with age attraction will stay alive.

What happens is couples kill their connection and so attraction suffers and for many the being “in love” fades with it.

You see people never learn how this works because what happens, in the beginning, is automatic.

We feel automatic attraction we fall in love it’s all effortless.

The problem is that automatic energy doesn’t stay, so to keep it going we have to take action, but this takes effort and very few understand the effort that really makes the difference.

So love gets turned on, then off, and then on again. The attraction gets turned on then it gets turned off this is a reactive process and can stress the couple’s connection.

Reasons why attraction dies

So I’m going to share some common reasons why attraction dies.

Fear can play a significant part in how people’s attraction to each other dies.

It’s very difficult to love someone who you feel you need to protect yourself from.

Fear can come from many places a big one is vulnerability, most of us fear that we might not be enough and some worry if we are worthy of love.

I have to show people how to create vulnerability as a strength so they can show up as themselves.

Loss of connection is another challenge. Men and women will have very different connection models and this can cause all manner of problems.

It can lead a person into fear if the way their partner is connecting in the relationship doesn’t match their own model.

The more fear that gets created the more the desire will be to create sameness.

The moment two people start to become the same this will be enough to kill the differences that allow attraction to flow.

So the wrong model of connection is killing attraction in many marriages.

Another challenge a couple may face is they swap their attraction dynamic.

When I am assessing a couple’s energies I see their connection in masculine and feminine terms, I don’t see them as men and women.

So women can be masculine or feminine and men can be masculine or feminine. What creates attraction is when a couple is in opposite energies.

So if a couple meets and feels attraction in one energy and then swaps or changes that dynamic when they start living together this is a disaster at the attraction level.

Let’s look at one common model I see.

One of the biggest hidden problems that couples should see but don’t, is someone who is naturally feminine has shifted into a masculine state to survive.

I see many women who have felt the need to shift out of her feminine energy because she feels too vulnerable there.

If the feminine is where attraction happens for her she will struggle to see him as attractive whilst her energy is in this masculine place.

She may to him feel harder, controlling, unhappy. She can be all those things because this is not how she wants to feel in a committed relationship, she’s not happy but getting on with it.

Men will also suffer if this polarity has shifted. Some men will give up their masculine energy to protect the relationship, but part of him dies when he does this.

He may have concluded she is never happy so will do everything her way to please her.

By giving his masculine energy to her she will have no choice, but to step up and she will resent that.

Attraction dynamics is critical to learn because how can you keep it alive consciously if how it works only happens automatically and in the beginning?

Masculine and feminine energy must be free to flow and change.

In careers, many feminine women will need to become masculine at work to get the job done, some will get stuck here as her work persona becomes her success identity, her safe space.

There are many reasons couples shift, the key is understanding it so you can get back to where attraction can thrive.

What I notice in many of my female clients is their suffering comes from their inability to love their partner because they cannot connect to themselves when they are together.

A man can become weaker and less confident at home so he goes to where he can connect to himself and where he is strong and successful.

Much of the energy that keeps attraction alive is what happens outside of the bedroom, communication, playfulness, and connection are a few of the many energies that couples can use to keep the attraction always on.

The bigger picture of this challenge is couples need to be creating a safe platform where attraction can grow and that is the sticking point for so many.

So the goal is this: For couples who have struggled this means building a connection where security is the result of their connection rather than the focus.

Do this and now attraction has a chance.

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Category iconLoss of Love,  Loss of passion,  Lost Attraction,  Marriage Coaching

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

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My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

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‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

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“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • The Blame Game Trap!
  • “The Relationship Mirror Problem”
  • The Success Path for Failing Marriages
  • Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown
  • “Free your partner before they free themselves”

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Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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