If you are reading this you are probably experiencing some kind of ongoing marital pain and suffering.
It’s one of the most stressful times I’ve seen in anyone’s life, after dealing with 1000s of couples over almost 20 years I have seen it all and it’s devastating especially when they don’t know what to do.
I going to make some assumptions.
- You are stuck for some reason unsure what to do…
- You are uncertain because you lack clarity and are looking for answers…
When my clients first come to me they lay out their problems and then ask – “what do I/we do”?
“What do I/we do”? is the top-level advice I am constantly asked for.
What my clients are after is clarity.
To help them gain that clarity I have to help them through a process.
Taking back control starts with emotional stability.
It’s important not to panic or let fears drive your actions because only the wrong outcomes result from those fears.
So I have to move the couple or individual(s) from an unhelpful emotionally reactive state to a designed emotional state that gives them the best chance of getting the right outcome.
Emotionally reactive = out of control
Emotionally reactive people are in essence out of control of what their mind is doing.
So they are not in control so it’s like being in rapids.
What this reactive state does when marriage problem hits is put the person into a fear state.
That state is binary.
It’s only designed to fight or run.
People who live in that state for too long can become detached or numb.
None of those states is helpful to solving marital problems.
It doesn’t matter if you are trying to save a marriage or your unsure what to do fear states disable clarity and limit choices.
People who solve marital problems do so because their emotional state is back in their control.
So today’s advice is please be aware fear driven doesn’t lead to solutions people like.
Many people regret what they do and say in this state.
Plus it shut down access to parts of your mind you’ll need to keep you safe.
In tomorrows post I’m going share what you need to know to get the answers you need.