Age doesn’t grow a tree of wisdom if destructive thinking is the seed they keep planting.
I had a couple in their late 50’s come to me because they were in crisis. I could hear she was slightly embarrassed at this need for help so she said.
“We really should know better at our age shouldn’t we”!?
Age only grows wisdom if the passing of time is full of learning.
Too many people either stop learning at school, or they only grow a rich understanding of their profession or passion.
That creates an even bigger problem as people who are genuinely wise in one part of their lives are under the illusion that their wisdom is now in everything they touch.
It’s not true at all, I meet very powerful business people who have not understood how to be successful relationship partners.
The problem with this misplaced confidence it means when things go wrong they don’t look at themselves as the problem because they are the successful ones.
Life will only grow what you plant.
As a child I remember planting a tree, the label said plum tree.
As the years passed eventually the tree bore fruit – PEARS!!!
WHAT!!! I was shocked.
So it didn’t matter how much I believed I was growing plums, pears were always going to be the end result.
The brain will grow whatever a person plants so you must be careful that what you think or chose to believe will actually take you to the life you desire.
I know many men think their wives are impossible to please, is that true or have they just not understood how to give them what they really need?
If she is “impossible to please” that’s a dead-end statement that leads men to want a divorce – these men are not seeing wisdom at all, just the limitations of what they know.
Many women think their husband has no empathy. This is also a dead-end statement that could mean he doesn’t care and that could lead her to emotionally disconnect.
Most men do care, but what they are is lost with what she wants and so the resentment of always failing with her can lead him to give up.
What if his lack of empathy is really his lack of understanding because he would never connect to what she is going through emotionally because men are emotionally very different to women.
Men are not versions of women at all and so ironically where is the empathy for that challenge?
You see the wrong belief or thinking is the seed that will grow a tree of ignorance.
In truth wisdom can only be created when a person is able to connect to more than what they know.
Curiosity, learning, courage and a desire to embrace vulnerability are some of the qualities that are foundations for successful marriages.
In so many cases women know that something is very wrong, but can’t tell their husband what he has to do to help her because she doesn’t know.
Men are lost because he keeps trying to use his male logic to solve a female logic problem and he keeps being confused because he keeps failing with her.
The first step on the road to your wisdom is knowing that when you look at your partners’ problem(s) from your own perspective then you’ll misdiagnose the real problem every time.
The thinking has to change before the real solutions will appear and that’s because your partner is driven differently, has different needs and is trying to get to a very unique place emotionally to keep the passion, love and attraction alive.
So you are either helping them get there or you are killing their path to those critical emotions.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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