Are you in a bad relationship or a bad pattern?
Understanding the answer to this question can liberate a person to get out of a toxic relationship or successfully rebuild foundations of an existing one.
I meet many people who refuse to put any more of themselves into their marriage because they feel they have given their all.
They have had enough!
There is no question it’s emotionally exhausting to go round in circles, feel emotionally abandoned, feel there is no way to get through to your partner.
It’s little wonder so many people end up wanting to exit what feels like an impossible situation.
What those that give up are not seeing is the solutions and choices that are actually available.
Leaving a marriage doesn’t create a solution to the problem; all it creates is avoidance of the problem.
Far too many people are regretting their decision to leave or divorce so it’s important to get this right.
This is why people that leave without understanding the problem are in danger of creating the same problem in their next relationship.
You see, unless you can see your partners’ world and experience, you are always only seeing part of the problem.
The wrong emotional maps
It’s like two people trying to navigate a city with the wrong maps.
Imagine one person has a map of London.
The other has a map of Paris.
Yet, the couple is using those maps to navigate New York.
This is what far too many couples are doing and why they are so lost.
The couple needs to learn each other’s maps so they have the ability to create a new emotional alignment.
Lack of emotional alignment creates a destructive disconnect.
When this happens, the couple will create a bad pattern.
When a problem strikes, the couple both run their bad pattern, and over time, they can assume this pattern equals the truth of their relationship.
They will connect their partners’ behavior during this pattern with who they are as an identity.
Now their partner has shifted in their mind from someone they would marry to someone they could never live with.
The patterns couples create can become so hardwired that all each person sees is the output of their destructive pattern.
The mind is powerful so be careful how you use it
I remember asking one lady who was a part of one of these patterns to describe what was good about her husband.
She spent 10 minutes struggling to come up with one, she was unaware of what she had been creating within herself.
Obviously, there was a lot about her husband that was good.
Essentially she had deleted this information as she didn’t need it to exit the marriage.
Understanding the foundations of emotional connection
It’s critical to understand the foundation of the problems so you can stop the constant disconnect.
One problem is many men don’t solve emotional problems the same as women.
This is a significant problem that can lead men to feel she is impossible and she can feel he doesn’t care.
There are 1000s of emotional patterns that can lead couples to assume they are not compatible.
The answer is to build a connection to what your partner is really experiencing.
When someone tries to understand their partner using their own map of the world they will instantly create an emotional disconnect.
What do you want to do?
Every month I accept four new individuals and couples to learn this little-known knowledge.
So if you have had enough of your situation and you want a powerful new way to navigate your problems, then my team will be delighted to help you discover if we are the right fit.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
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