I don’t feel safe in my marriage, I don’t feel loved in my marriage, I don’t feel appreciated in my marriage, I don’t feel secure in my marriage, I don’t feel heard in my marriage.
Have you noticed that people put a lot of weight on what they feel? But there is a hidden problem few are seeing.
What people feel is a foundational element of how they navigate their life.
People want to feel what they want.
In fact, people can turn their whole life upside down because they don’t like what they are feeling.
This all sounds quite normal Stephen so why are you bringing this up and what’s the hidden problem?
The reason I am bringing your attention to this is because most people I meet are being governed by feelings they have no control over.
It doesn’t mean they can’t take control of their feelings I’m saying they don’t know how to.
So they live lives they don’t like, reacting to each event (reacting = out of control) and never getting to the feelings they really want.
Many people don’t question what they feel, they simply accept that what they feel is the truth.
What they don’t see is what they feel is being limited by how they think and so they miss the other feelings available to them.
What they are not aware of is how they think is creating how they feel.
If they thought differently it would change their perspective and so what they feel would also change.
What most people are unaware of is they are predisposed to a negative mindset.
They are designed for survival which is the process of looking for what’s wrong anyone doing this is in a patterned mindset.
When people look for what is wrong, in any situation it’s easy to find more problems.
So they find proof and stack that proof and this proof becomes their unbearable truth. In reality, their feelings are simply a biased mindset based on a practised focus over time.
For example; if a person thinks their partner is lying to them, they will be on a search to find proof of more lies, what are they hiding what does their lie mean? Am I safe?
It’s natural to do this, hence the need for survival, but the feelings this creates don’t lead the couple to connection it leads couples to judgement and blame and these are the relationship killers.
You see there is always another way to look at any situation so there are many ways to gain very different feelings about the same situation from a new and different perspective.
This is what people are struggling with and now their survival mind takes over.
What people do to themselves without knowing is condition themselves to feel bad because they are unaware of how their mind works, they live reactive lives unable to design outcomes they would like.
In relationships, this pattern is devastating marriages because each person ends up triggering the other to look for what’s wrong and now they both self-protect.
This leads a person into many destructive patterns that will kill their connection.
In fear states, they will both enter an accelerated spiral and it’s exhausting.
People are not seeing the choices and so they keep buying what they feel unaware their feeling is not leading them to happiness or the truth of opportunity.
Their thinking is leading them away from the pain their thinking creates.
This process is the creation of low-level pleasure, people in pain will take what they can get.
It’s like pulling your hand away from a flame and calling that action pleasure – it’s low-level pleasure.
So as one example people can end up attaching low-level pleasure from disconnecting from their partner and putting their energy into things outside of the marriage.
So what I have to do to help people in relationships is help them take control of their feelings.
- They learn how feelings are really created so they can take back control.
- They learn how to translate their partner correctly – I now understand what my partner is saying and why.
- They learn how to evolve and grow in any situation.
- They learn how to keep myself and those I love safe.
Feelings are powerful – the key to the life you want is in mastering the creation of the feelings that will be the foundation of the life you desire.
To achieve this the person’s thinking has to change.
Thinking creates feelings and feelings will direct people’s lives.
So if you want to direct your life to success then this is critical to understand.
I’ll leave you with this, we all have 24 hours in a day – how do successful people think differently from unsuccessful people within those 24 hours?
The quality of anyone’s life is simply created by the way they think – So if your life isn’t the way you think it should be then your thinking is the problem.
All I teach is how to develop a success mindset that rebuilds people’s lives.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
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