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Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

Many years ago I was told the story of “The Boiled Frog” you may have heard it.

It’s the kind of story that can start to wake a person up to rediscover their life their happiness and what to them equals personal fulfillment.

Here is the story, let’s see what you do with it.

If a frog was put into a pan of cold water and that pan was brought to the boil, the frog would just sit in the pan and slowly die.

But if you dropped the frog into the water, but this time it was boiling hot it would immediately jump out rejecting this hostile environment.

I know some of you will have heard that story before, but the message is important to stay connected to.

When life becomes slowly uncomfortable people don’t notice the situation they are in.

It’s a situation that years before they would have rejected in a heartbeat.

Far too many people are accepting a bad situation because they simply don’t know what to do.

So they stay stuck settling for what’s familiar even if that doesn’t make them happy, many live the rest of their lives this way.

I see this pattern in people who are settling with very unhappy lives together.

Better the devil you know so to speak!

One gentleman was describing his marriage he said “it’s been a good day today we haven’t argued once.”

It is an interesting benchmark for a successful day, but I know many people feel this way as they try their best to feast on the few crumbs on the table.

I’m obviously not advocating that every unhappy person should leave their partner and find a better life because with a little know-how and some courage many cases could dramatically improve their situation.

What I am doing today is posing an important question.

Should a person settle in their unhappy marriage or life?

Or should they discover if they can find a way to make their life and their relationship make sense again?

I know that many don’t want to rock the boat, what if we find out we are not suited after all?

My message is you only get one life – Do you live your life knowing you are unhappy and accept that?

Or do you give yourself and your partner the chance of happiness understanding that could go either way but happiness no matter what is the objective?

Remember the goal is to find what you are both looking for in your life so you can both be yourselves again.

Experience tells me two people escalating each other’s misery over the years just because it’s familiar is likely to reach a tipping point even if the couple does nothing.

If you ever have a conversation with me I’m likely to tell you…

  • Your disconnection is normal.
  • Your inability to be on the same page is normal
  • Your lack of connection is normal
  • Your loss of love based on your disconnect is normal
  • Your loss of passion is normal

I will tell you men and women simply do not understand each other especially emotionally and this creates such a painful gap in their connection, unhappiness is never going to be far away.

Remember I have personally sat with 1000s of couples over the years and not one understood each other.

So instead of seeing your problems as a sign of incompatibility see them as a simple sign that changes are required.

I’m not saying that everyone should stay together.

What I’m saying is because all these disconnects are present in so many relationships around the world and in every culture, the disconnects are very common.

So should couples explore what they are capable of so a life-changing mistake doesn’t become a crippling regret?

Or should couples wake up and ensure they get the life they were meant to live, remember you only get one life.

Now you can see what the courage is for.

Stephen Hedger
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