It’s true that many people become addicted to their unhappiness or lack of joy. They are addicted to meeting their needs through a search for what is wrong in their life.
The problem is they don’t see what they are doing and it can lead to a substandard quality of life.
The reason they do this is firstly they are meeting their critical needs (destructively) so the process can become an addictive pattern, but they are also disconnected from the correct model for joy creation.
So what’s important to understand is where is a persons joy really coming from?
You see unhappy people think their joy and happiness sits is in their outside world.
They think it’s in people, things or stuff.
But consider this for a moment.
If that’s true where does the real power sit, is it within the person or in their outside world?
One means they are in control the other means they are out of control and out of control means far less joy of course.
A joyful person can turn up to an event joyfully and that compounds their happiness, but this is not how a joyless person operates.
A person who is joyless, turns up to an event to make them feel good and the event then triggers their happiness.
The question is this, who is most powerful?
The person who chooses to become the joy and happiness and brings that to their life?
Or is it the person who thinks they need things in the outside world to be happy?
The people who struggle are the ones who put conditions on their happiness, I’ll be happy when I get the stuff or I’ll be happy when I have achieved the thing.
Why make joy and happiness conditional?
What’s wrong with being happy and full of joy for no reason?
The people who are not happy for no reason have learnt a destructive pattern which can be unlearnt.
I meet many people with this problem they have created so many rules in their life the possibility of their happiness is like the mathematical formula for an eclipse.
These people are trapped in their own rules and they are totally unaware they have these rules, that they created them and why they created them.
People create rules subconsciously and consciously to make themselves safer, but the problem is they are driven by fears and when fears take hold they become self-fulfilling.
Everyone wants happiness and joy so why make the possibility of it so hard?
Joy doesn’t sit in the outside world it sits within all of us as a choice.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
- The Dangerous Delay in Marriage: - December 6, 2025
- “I was planning our separation and divorce” - November 27, 2025
- 5 Ways Smart Couples Go Emotionally Broke - November 22, 2025