It is critical to understand the steps that resolve conflict because, left alone, the process of couples constantly at war is highly destructive.
It can kill attraction, disengage love and create emotional detachment, the perfect formula for a divorce.
When couples fight, it can feel like there is a lot of hate as they try to get their individual points of view across.
They do not see the hate as an opportunity and understandably enter a process of self-protection.
Many people believe that hate is the total opposite of love.
The reality is apathy is the reverse of love.
You see, people that have checked out of the marriage have no interest in fighting or getting their point across.
The people enter apathy just don’t care anymore.
Hate can create hope
When two people are fighting, what I see is the energy and passion is still alive; it’s just misdirected into their fight.
People that fight are caring enough to want to get their point across to each other.
In this context, the problem couples face is they struggle to hear what the other is trying to communicate.
It’s natural for couples to fight because neither person will be connected to what the other means or needs.
How can anyone put the correct meaning or create alignment with their partners’ words if they hear the words, but don’t have an accurate comprehension of what they mean?
If You and I talked about your conflict you’ll discover is it’s not simple as hearing the words and agreeing or disagreeing.
Comprehension is the key.
- It’s not just about what they are saying.
- It’s about why they are communicating.
- It’s about what energy they are trying to get to with their words.
- It’s also about the cost of not getting through.
- What energy are they trying to get to within themselves
- What energy are they wanting to get their partner to?
Each person is trying to get to a different emotional position, and neither person is aware of what it is.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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