Below is a list of mistakes that can lead a marriage to disconnect and for some divorce.
It’s a mistake to…
• Make anything more important than your partner.
• It’s a mistake to think your partner understands you when you speak, especially the emotional side of your marriage.
• It’s a mistake to ignore what your marriage needs to grow physically and emotionally.
• It’s a mistake to not learn how to meet your partners critical needs.
• It’s a mistake to not know what drives your partner because how can you positively influence someone you don’t understand.
• It’s a mistake to not understanding each other’s life values and how the negative values (their fears – your fears) could affect your dynamic.
• It’s a mistake to leave an upset to fester. Upsets must be concluded with love and security or they become corrosive.
• It’s a mistake to lose connection with yourself in your marriage.
• It’s a mistake to assume your partner is trying to hurt you, even if it sounds like they are.
• It’s a mistake to lie, even if you think you are being protective. Lies that are discovered only bring into question “…what else don’t I know?” and this kills trust.
• It’s a mistake to please others at a cost to yourself.
• It’s a mistake to not plan a journey you can both be excited by, have a purpose.
• It’s a mistake to assume relationships should just work, long-term relationships only work well when the couple becomes skilled connectors, powerful protectors, and warm lovers.
• It’s a mistake to assume attraction will last without knowing what creates attraction.
• It’s a mistake to not learn what keeps passionate energy alive for life.
• It’s a mistake to withhold your gifts.
• It’s a mistake to hold on to the past wrongs and reject forgiveness.
• It’s a mistake to forget who you were when you were happy.
• It’s a mistake to not notice that all you can see is the bad in your relationship as this is a distortion of the truth.
• It’s a mistake to let fear drive your life.
• It’s a mistake to need validation from others because you’re giving your power away.
• It’s a mistake to not search for why your partner is different or confusing to you they are supposed to be different.
• It’s a mistake to forget your children are watching you and learning everything from you both.
• It’s a mistake to not see your differences as strengths.
• It’s a mistake to not live as the example.
• It’s a mistake to not keep in your mind focused on the core of who your partner is. Who is the person you fell in love and what’s changed and why?
• It’s a terrible mistake to think affairs or divorces are answers to marital problems.
• It’s a mistake to not have the answer to all your “why” questions.
• It’s a mistake to lose your playful side.
• It’s a mistake to hold back in relationships, even if others tell you to, they are passing their fears on to you.
• It’s a mistake to think that love is a certainty, those that try to make love a certainty are not aware this is the energy that kills it.
• It’s a mistake to control a partner, free them so they attach that freedom to you.
• It’s a mistake to chose a destructive behaviour when so many good one are available.
• It’s a mistake to ignore someone’s feelings or become the judge of those feelings.
• It’s a mistake to become your partner judge.
• It’s a mistake to criticise your partner.
• It’s a mistake to diminish your partners feelings.
I decided to stop after 37 mistakes I could have carried on, I may update this post at a later date.
The list above has been collected over the years of working with couples in crisis. These are all mistakes that if practiced will have a negative affect on a couple’s dynamic.
Rule of thumb is if one partner has to protect themselves from the other the relationship is dying in that moment.
If the couple practice these mistakes over years then a more permanent disconnect is likely.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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