Did you know that when a couple’s problem is properly understood in most cases they stay together because they can now see the misunderstanding they are in?
It is critical they don’t let those problems compound because the result is emotionally very hard on everyone.
What I see is a combination of a few challenges.
Each person is putting the wrong meaning to a situation because they are unaware they don’t understand their partner.
The meanings are usually driven by the assumption that their partner’s mind is the same as theirs. So when the behaviour doesn’t make sense the confusion creates fear.
That fear creates more challenging behaviour as each person stops caring about the other and self-protection sets in.
This stacks resentment in a person if practised over time usually a minimum of two years.
When self-protection sets in their feelings can stop, and loss of love, loss of attraction type feelings are likely to be going or gone.
When feelings are disconnecting they will start to meet their critical needs outside of the marriage.
If they are running a self-numbing pattern they will simply withdraw.
The future is now going to be a struggle to see or connect to in this emotional place.
So from simple misunderstandings, the whole emotional system can start to shut down. It can take a few years, but the longer the couple practice the compounding problems the more challenging it is for them to solve.
It’s more challenging because a mind on a search will usually find what it seeks and a fear-based mind is a biased energy.
It’s not looking for the truth, it’s looking to protect itself.
If a mind is looking for reasons to protect itself every action can be seen through the lens of needing self-protection.
This is why I encourage one person to wake up and come and get the knowledge they need to put the relationship back on track fast.
Of course, both people can learn this, but one person is enough to discover what’s possible and guide the relationship back.
Every day the relationship is disconnected is further proof it’s not working this is how a mind sees it.
If left too long then the next problem is the worst.
The worse problem is when the person in this space knows they cannot be themselves in their own home.
This is a personal hell for that person and so they will be looking for an exit of some kind and for some they may have made a decision.
From simple misunderstandings people grow terrible disconnects so I have to help them firstly with the years of neglecting the marriage the suffering and the pain, long before we can even get to the core problem.
The core problem: They simply never understood each other and are not naturally designed to.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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