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Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

In today’s post, I’m going to present some typical scenarios I might see in couples crisis meetings.

Once you have scanned through them I’m going to offer you some thoughts that are important to consider that could affect your future.

Here goes….

    • Why does a man keep his relationship alive with his wife for 20 years only to tell her out of the blue he wants a divorce?
    • Why does a woman become negative and controlling in her marriage?
    • Why does she never let go of anything?
    • Why does he diminish her feelings and never listen to her?
    • Why does a woman have a three-year affair and then spend every waking hour trying to save her relationship from divorce when he finds out?
    • Why does a woman that loves her husband have to leave him?
    • Why am I so bored in my relationship?
    • Why does a married man sleep with other women to protect himself?
    • Why would a woman who knows he’s having an affair (because he told her) stay in the marriage for years whilst the affair continues?
    • Why does someone fall out of love, what’s the real reason?
    • Why can someone seem to totally change identity after years of marriage?
    • Why does my partner think I should be happy but I’m genuinely not?
    • Why did I once find my partner attractive but not anymore?
    • Why do some people marry but not for love?
    • Why can one person be very secretive and lie in their marriage?
    • Why does a woman that withholds her love and intimacy from her husband for years suddenly reconnect to her sexual self?
    • Why do some people become passive and then resent it?
    • Why do some women take control of the marriage and then become angry that they are in control?
    • Why do some women not seem to know what they want but are upset when they don’t get it?
    • Why does retirement trigger divorce for many couples?
    • Why does my partner never have my back?
    • Why is our sex life dead?
    • Why does a man get angry in a marriage and what is happening to him?
    • Why does a woman get angry at her husband and what is happening to her? BTW… Anger in men and women have very different objectives so understanding the WHY is critical.
    • Why do many men see a woman’s’ problems as trivial?
    • Why is my partner never home?
    • Why does my husband no longer want sex with me?
    • Why does she want him to open up and share his feelings?
    • Why can a woman want to save her marriage and then six months later have zero interest and want a divorce?
    • Why do couples divorce and then remarry?
    • Why do our arguments just go round in circles?
    • Why are we so unhappy have we made a mistake?

Each one of these situations above had a very good answer but an answer the couples were not expecting or could have gotten to on their own.

So let me help you…

WHY for me is one of the most important questions to ask but the challenge for so many couples is the question WHY doesn’t seem to take them to an answer that makes any sense.

This is why no matter how challenging the situation asking the question WHY and gaining the right answer is critical to their future safety.

Without the right answer, a person can leave a relationship unaware of why it’s really broken down and then find their future is repeated or worse they pick another wrong person or they give up on love.

Couples with problems need the certainty of understanding what is really going on in their marriage.

They need to know if they have made a mistake or have they misunderstood what’s really been going on.

So many couples attend a session with an “I want to divorce” message which can change once they understand the real reason why they are suffering so much.

What I find is very mixed when I ask the question WHY?

Most couples don’t really know what’s been happening so they are either confused, fearful or emotionally numb after years of problems.

My message today is you can ask the question WHY but without the tools of really understanding the situation you are in and what has influenced an unhappy dynamic you can either give up trying or make it worse as you try to fix it.

Relationships don’t need fixing to start with – they need understanding from two curious people who are open to learning something very new and powerful for their future.

Once they have understood why they are in trouble then a path can be created that stops them from using destructive patterns and replaces them with powerful connection skills that help ensure attraction stays alive.

They need to understand WHY they are really in trouble and what they both must do differently to create a secure and passionate relationship for life.

You only get one life so please spend your days carefully and take action now.

Stephen Hedger
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