If you are a woman wondering why you have lost attraction and sexual interest in your husband, or you are a man confused/upset because your wife no longer seems interested in sex this post is for you.
Many naturally feminine women are becoming stuck in a masculine identity in their relationship as their husbands are struggling to know what to do to keep their wives emotionally safe.
Most husbands know how to keep her physically safe, but emotional security is a totally confusing concept for so many men.
For many women in a long-term relationship the bridge to a sexual connection is preceded by a need for an emotional connection this is what she needs to align with him so attraction is created within her for him.
Without this emotional connection, women can feel very disconnected from their husbands. This is likely to question her trust in the relationship as she wonders if she’s loved or enough for him. If this happens she can start to feel emotionally unsafe with him.
It’s also not enough for him to tell her she is loved, she has to really feel loved.
If she starts to question her vulnerability in the relationship she will start to engage a masculine energy within her to protect herself. This is designed to keep her safe if he won’t, or can’t.
Essentially women who lose that critical connection with their husbands have to get tough to look after themselves in absence of their husbands love and protection and if this happens trouble is highly likely on both sides as resentments begin to stack.
If couples don’t know how to set their relationship dynamic up from the start – which is most people – they can find they have swopped the need for passion with a need for security as potentially both people become resentful as they are not getting what they need to be happy.
To be fair to all men, they are not designed to know how to protect her emotionally naturally or even know what it means, even some women are unsure, but without it, the couple will have lost what first attracted them and so the relationship will suffer…
I too had to learn this concept…
So unless a man learns how to look after her in a way that connects her to her feminine self she will naturally take control and he can start to become pointless to her.
In this place, she can lose attraction and sexual interest in him.
So what I see is women are losing emotional connection from their husbands because of multiple reasons such as their husbands are not behaving in ways that help her to be free to be her feminine self.
She could feel she’s not number one to him, he doesn’t care about her, he hasn’t got her back, she may feel she not enough for him, or she may feel she can’t trust him.
Whatever she has experienced with him she is likely to resent being in this position of having to be essentially ‘the man’ in the relationship emotionally protecting the relationship and herself from him.
It’s highly likely in this place she will feel exhausted and can become either emotionally shut down or aggressive towards him.
For many women in this place, sexually connection is off the table although some will still use the sexual connection as a means to control the relationship but on her terms.
He may feel she is overly controlling of everything and she may see him as bullying or emotionally weak.
This shift to a more masculine state for women can also happen after childbirth so he may see an emotional shift in her but not know what to do.
When couples enter this zone of emotional disconnection they are highly likely to go round in circles as they try to use their own natural logic to solve the problem, neither of them seeing the real issue.
Thankfully helping men to understand this concept is not difficult however it will require an open mind.
It’s also very interesting to see how confused the women are when they discover their husbands have no idea what she really needed.
What’s even more challenging is so many females have very specific needs and yet have very little idea how to help their husbands understand them, even though she thinks she was clear.
One gentleman came in an said, “I just want my wife to tell me what she wants, I’ll do anything!”
I had to tell him “she can’t tell you because she doesn’t know… all she knows is she needs it and she’s not getting it”
And this is the challenge so many couples are facing…
If you don’t have an attraction for each other, then what have you really got?
So maybe now is the time to get to bottom of your challenges with simple easy steps. If you want your wife to be sexually open to you this is a must to learn.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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