If your partner wants a divorce and you don’t agree it’s the right solution to your problems it’s critical to understand what has brought them to this point.
In terms of behaviour and communication the following will be impacting them:
- They are likely to communicate a loss of feelings, such as a loss of love.
- They will have lost trust in their future happiness in the relationship.
- They will have lost respect for their partner.
- They will have shifted their actions to be all focused on themselves.
- You may feel that you are living with a totally different person.
You may notice a total change in their behaviours i.e. wanting to spend more time with their friends, work, children or interests.
All their behaviours will be designed to move them away from their pain and towards what will give them small bites of pleasure.
It’s likely that a person wanting a divorce will create a story that will justify why leaving the relationship is a good idea.
The story is likely to be an oversimplification of the facts and in many cases a distortion of what really happened.
So a person wanting out of a marriage may explain they had doubts when they first got married. In essence history can get rewritten to fit their new goal to leave.
Many couples experience problems for too long not really appreciating the significant emotional pain their partner is in and so they ignore the problems hoping they will go away.
The moment a person makes a decision to leave it’s a very powerful moment. So speed is critical if you want to stop such a significant change in your life.
The big underlying message is going to be you don’t understand me and so to be in this relationship I have to become someone i’m not be in it. This means the person is suffering and coping, they don’t see a solution is possible and what they feel today is permanent.
They will have attached too much pain to their future together and so clearly the only change they can make is to remove their partner, or themselves from the marriage.
The BIG question is can this situation be turned around so the couple can fall in love again. The simple answer is yes, however some significant changes need to take place.
The first change is the person wanting to save the relationship must take charge by making changes to themselves. This is critical, if you are not prepared to change you please accept your fate.
This is where it now becomes complicated because your partner will struggle to share with you the changes that will make the difference for them for two reasons. 1. They don’t want you to change their mind and 2. Most importantly they actually don’t know.
This is one of the reasons why couples struggle, they are unaware of the actions that create their feelings.
Can you imagine how vulnerable you both are if you are not aware of what creates what you feel?
In fact can you imagine years of not understanding what creates each others feelings?
Many couples don’t have to imagine, they simply have to look at each other to see the truth.
So the question is what changes can you make that will give you the best chance of success.
The simple answer is get educated fast: To become successful, how you think and how you show up in your relationship will have to change. You will have to become the best you can be with the clear knowledge of what your partner has always needed from you.
If you are prepared to do what it takes you could just save your family from a disaster that you helped to create without knowing.
So are you up for the challenge? If so call Cloe today and she will book you in for an initial consultation. Your partner doesn’t have to attend.