We all have fears, but what happens when by trying to avoid our fears it leads us to what we fear most. This is so basic that it should be taught in schools. Sadly very few are aware of the impact it is having on their lives.
You see having a fear means that on some level that fear is part of our focus. My regular readers and my clients already know, that what we focus on will create what we ultimately get in life.
What’s important to learn is this ‘focus’ does not have to be a conscious one for it to become a goal you haven’t chosen.
Many of us have fears we are not consciously connected to and these fears are crafting the way we live and most of us are simply not aware.
In addition many of us do have conscious fears, but these are gateway fears that are designed to protect us from our real fears.
Look at this example: What if a person is consciously fearful of being trapped yet their deepest fear is they won’t be loved, how will this affect their relationship(s)? Of course it’s dramatic!
In all of us these battles exist and they not only affect ourselves, but they can have a dramatically damaging affect on our partners and so our relationships.
The main reason for this, two people will have two sets of fears (one set each) that will be guiding the individuals to protect themselves from experiencing their own individual and unique fears.
As these couples move their focus to protect themselves, the relationship goes into a deficit and starts to die. Unless this destructive pattern is interrupted both people will be igniting their worst fears without knowing.
Leading them to the assumption the relationship is wrong.
What’s wrong is the couples relationship with themselves, but the individuals in this relationship may not learn this until they start to see the pattern emerging in their future relationships. BUT by then they have lost significant amount of time and their life. Time they can never get back.
Our fears are designed to protect us, but so many of us live every day with a fear that’s effecting them to the point it destroys their lives and their relationships.
You simply can’t have a great relationship with others unless you have a great relationship with yourself and understanding this part of how we work is so important.
So in my sessions I teach these individuals and couples the path to connecting with themselves so they can become powerful pillars that can offer real value in their relationships.
So what do you fear consciously and what deeper fear(s) is it guarding? I ask this because it’s creating the life your are living today and the one you are heading for either on your own, or with your partner this is so important to learn.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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