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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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5 Core Foundations Needed For A Successful Marriage?

If you want a successful marriage then getting the right foundations in place is going to be critical to ensuring it’s survival. If your marriage is in trouble and these foundations have not been in place then you’ll start to understand why things are going wrong.

Intimate relationships are riddled with hidden problems that no one is either aware of or talks about.

So to avoid these problems these core foundations are needed if you are both going to make a real difference to each other.

I have spilt these into 5 foundational topics to help you.

Trust

This one won’t be a surprise however there are some key areas of focus that many miss. Yes I can see everyone nodding it’s really important to be able to trust your partner.  

This is what most miss. It’s important for you to trust you to bring the very best of you to your relationship and life.

When most people experience relationship problems, they are so consumed by their own automatic emotional protection they miss the fact they have disconnected from who they are and what’s important to them.

So loving, warm, respectful people lose control and behave in ways that simply don’t reflect who they are. Of course they are likely to blame their partner for how they feel, but the cold hard truth is there is only one creator of your emotions and that’s you.

Communication

Everyone would agree that effective communication is critical for a couple. The biggest challenge I see is the dramatic difference between men and women and the confusion this brings.

Not only do the individuals speak very differently they also hear differently. So what sounds like english may as well be Russian and Japanese because the words will simply not be going in.

The further layers that add confusion is stacked resentments that add additional protective filters that distort what the person hears.

  • What equals normal day-to-day communication?
  • What equals emotional connection communication?
  • What equals communication that can dissolve anger, frustration and aggression?
  • What equals communication that gets stuff done?

Needs

Meeting critical needs is a significant problem for couples. If a couples needs are not met they will go into a needs deficit. This is dangerous for the couple because it means that critical needs are being met outside the relationship and so the relationship slowly becomes redundant.

The complexity with needs is very few people really know what they need let alone what their partner needs. So everyone is in the dark usually focused on want they want or are not getting or they trade to get their needs met. This all ends badly.

To add a bigger challenge for couple in crisis. When a person starts to protect themselves in the relationship their whole need structure can change. This can feel like the person has had a personality transplant.

To add more challenges, a persons needs and what’s important to them will change over time and it’s important the relationship follows these changes so the couple remain connected.

Big events, such as births, deaths, children leaving home can change a person needs structures and confuse a partner.

Some individuals can become destructively attached to meeting their needs in a ways which make their life problematic. The behave in ways designed to feel safe, yet they can feel exhausted, negative, stressed, negative.

My relationship with myself

I see so many couples enter my process totally disconnect to who they really are. They will have spent years coping and managing their emotional positions in their marriage. 

One of the core goals is to help them learn who they are so they can make a conscious decision to make sure they never change to their detriment again.

The automatic changes that individuals make are reactive and for many destructive. The goal is to help them become much more considered about how they show up in their own lives because this is safer and less painful.

  • So what do you value and why?
  • What is your relationship with your own past, your now and your future?
  • How do you see yourself and what are your beliefs about you and what you are really capable of?

Future

Couples in crisis are not usually that interested in their future as the crisis will have dissolved any future potential.

However the future is really important for all couples. After all if a couple is going to agree to share their lives together then it’s critical for them both to be on the same page.

A couple needs to be excited about what they are going to have and experience together. They need to learn about each others dreams and do all they can to support them.

No one likes a dream killer!

So these are just a few of the foundations that couples need to be aware of to create a meaningful emotional connection. Couples that ask me to help them create better relationships learn all the above and much much more.

In the next post I’m going to focus on the key skills any couple will need to make their connection passionate and lasting.

 

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Recent Posts

  • Do You Know Your Values & Why They Are So Important?
  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
  • “How to Fix Communication Issues in a Marriage”
  • “First Step to Fixing Any Marriage Problem”
  • Impossible Marriage Problems?
  • “What if I’m not enough?”
  • “Another 5 Years Like This? No Way!”
  • In Crisis, their Minds Destroyed Their Lives
  • “Couples are failing at the basics…”
  • “You Might Be in the Wrong Relationship… But Not for the Reason You Think…”

Over 1300 Relationship Articles


Categories

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally.


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.


Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

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Recent Posts

  • Do You Know Your Values & Why They Are So Important?
  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
  • “How to Fix Communication Issues in a Marriage”
  • “First Step to Fixing Any Marriage Problem”
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Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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