Each year I’m inundated with couples who are in crisis! Many are on the edge of divorce lost confused and fearful of both staying and leaving.
My mission is to spend a few weeks helping those couples learn how to breakthrough their specific crisis and rebuild their relationship to be significantly better than it was before.
So many of these couples are saddened by the knowledge they learn. They are sad because they look back on so many wasted years of living a disconnected life together when it wasn’t necessary.
They can see now they didn’t need to suffer and there really was an answer – one gentleman told me “…in a million years I would not have come up with this as the solution!”
As we grow older the wise among us know they don’t know it all. In fact, they are very aware of how much they really don’t know and so they become curious students of life.
Yes, relationships are complicated, but it’s like anything it’s only easy when you know how.
Below is a short list of the basis any couple should know in no particular order.
Remember people stay in relationships because they love how they feel about themselves when they are with their partner!
Here are the relationship basics you must become curious about.
- You must have a great relationship with yourself and be aware of when the relationship is changing you to become someone you are not. You need this knowledge so you can communicate what needs to change for you to come back to you.
- You must create a reason to be together that is bigger than being house caretakers and parents because one day it will just be the two of you.
- You must learn how to understand your conflict so you both grow closer from it to stop stacking resentments.
- You must learn how to build a safe foundation so strong that passion can breathe and thrive because without out passion and intimacy the couple will struggle.
- You must learn how to meet your partner needs so they feel great about themselves and attach those great feelings to you.
- You must learn how to communicate so your partner understands you and you know how to hear them. Men and women communicate very differently and so what they hear is easy to misunderstand.
- You must understand your role in the relationship. Your role is the core energy that keeps the passion alive and the couple connected. Far too many strong men become weak and far too many feminine women become masculine to take control of unhappy situations. Too many men take control aggressively and too many women shut down and don’t communicate. All is disastrous for the relationship. Learn your role it’s critical!
- You must never become your partners’ judge, make assumptions or mind-read what is going on for them. All of these are not loving traits and will create either distance or a need to self-protect.
- You must always be a team and have each others back no matter what.
- Women, you must learn how to love a man so he feels like the man he needs to be.
- Men you need to love her so she feels what’s most important to her, if you don’t know then please learn.
- Remember: People that keep protecting themselves from their partner will eventually lose the feeling of love.
Loving and passionate lasting relationships are created, they don’t just happen. So if you are struggling then please know this is totally normal all couples struggle all couples have problems.
The difference between those that make it and those that don’t is their thinking.
Confident couples are created through the competence of knowing what to do to help their partner “love how they feel about themselves when they are with you.”
These couples then experience the freedom to be themselves, they gain respect for each other whilst growing their connection that’s underpinned with a love that’s unconditional.
Every day I help couples learn if they have what it takes to create a dynamic that works.