Are you being you in your relationship, or do you have to make the effort to act differently? Maybe you are treading on eggshells, or maybe you feel controlled by your partners’ usual reaction which for you is destructive.
Many people change their behaviours to protect themselves and their relationship from harm. Whilst the intent is good the reality is the honesty has gone and this puts the couple in conflict with themselves and this creates internal fears which can lead to low emotional states, stress and depression.
For example: A wife may hold inside what she is really feeling, because she knows if she connects with what’s wrong for her and becomes too emotional, he will run-away, or get so angry that she sees no point, so she holds it in. Of course this results in building resentment in her which can ruin the relationship.
He may shut down when she tries to talk to him, because he can’t understand how to fix the relationship problems so staying silent is better than failing with her, of course if she feels he doesn’t understand her he will have failed.
Now the couple ends up just going round in circles as their relationship dies.
Relationships that are challenged are usually full of lots of pain and unspoken words.
In relationship sessions, I help couples understand how they can create safe ways to help each other meet their core needs both in and out of conflict.
Conflict is normal part of life and so we are not trying to stop the passion of communication just redirect it to more exciting and growth driving activities.
When they do this it creates freedom for the couple to be honest. This honesty rebuilds their trust. From this place of trust the couple are in a far better place to want to meet each other needs.
From this place igniting the intimacy back into the relationship become far easier.
Now the couple can start to feel free again to be true to who they are no longer focused on their fears.
Would this be of value to you? If so please get in-touch.