Most of us are aware that whatever you fear usually gets created, if you are not aware then this is important, if you are aware then this is still very important because it can affect your behaviours.
For example: If you don’t trust your partner, checking up on them, asking when they will be back, what are they doing, who they are speaking to, checking emails and texts, will result in them feeling so trapped that you become someone they cannot trust.
Jealousy is easy to spot, but fears are not as simple as we might imagine to understand.
What happens if YOU are not aware of your biggest fear?
I would say that a good 98% of the people I see have a belief that they fear something only to discover there are 5-10 things they fear more, and these are driving their behaviours, without them knowing.
Just imagine for example if you feared “anger” consciously and you did all you could to avoid it.
What if in reality you feared being “powerless” more, but you were not aware of that fear. How powerless would you become if you constantly avoided conflict? This could make you angry and affect your relationships? You could try to contain your anger, but the constant knowledge that something is wrong could push you into depression helping you to feel powerless to cope with life.
You might even blame others, or your relationships.
I see many unknown fears create unwanted behaviours in relationships and so destroy them.
If your partner feared “rejection”, but didn’t know, what would their behaviours be like?
What if your partner feared “humiliation” what would they do to avoid it, and how could that affect your relationship.
You see what happens is the fears will help to craft the way people meet their values. This distortion creates internal conflict and therefore a person maybe become unhappy, but with no idea why.
If anyone is unhappy you can bet this is a first place to look.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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