Some women are asking their men to be more sensitive, to share their thoughts, emotions, worries and to become more vulnerable. They want this because they see this as the solution to their relationship problems.
The reason this desire for men to connect emotionally from women is because the women feel that their men are detached from their inner emotions. They know that their partners don’t understand them, because they struggle to be understood.
Women try so hard to be understood, but become frustrated when they know they are not. Not being understood from a female perspective can feel fearful and lonely. In this place her security that the relationship is going to be the way she wants, it is challenged.
Men at this point feel nagged, criticised, put down as she tries to get through to him…
As she starts to feel that she can’t get through, her fears escalate, so knowing he is not her security, she starts to create her own certainty. Everyone does this differently, some tidy homes, some align label on jars, some take exercise. She will do whatever, she needs to do to block the pain she feels.
- Have you noticed what’s now happening? She is asking him to connect to his feelings at the point when she is trying to block hers.
If she connects to her own feelings it will unleash real fears and vulnerability. Feeling vulnerable with a man she can’t trust to understand her is far too scary, which is why she is blocked.
She feels that if he was to soften and get in touch with his feminine self, she would feel safer to trust him.
He now has a real problem because he wants to please her, but to do that he has to become even weaker than he already feels.
He can tell from her reaction to him he is clearly doing a bad job with her. SHE IS NOT HAPPY WITH HIM! He knows this, but feels powerless to understand why, or what to do to help her.
Even if he does all she wants, it never seems enough! So in the end he gives up! She feels him give up, and now she is really scared. So she has to try control him, or she will focus on controlling her own life even more!
Through her fears, her desire for him to connect to his feelings so she can connect to him is the only solution she can see that will fix their relationship.
BUT what she is asking is for him to become more female, if this happens they may have a better connection, but they are in danger of losing polarity if he complies. In other words their sex life will die!
This will cause problems because if this happens, his sex drive with her will die, she will feel his lack of desire for her and a whole new FEAR will be born!
So asking a man to become female is not the answer!
The answer is to help him to meet his needs and her needs at the same time. This means him understanding her needs and using his masculine self to look after her and keep her safe!
After all she doesn’t feel safe and at the point she feels this way what she wants is his strength his presence and his love to keep her safe!
When I help a man to understand key points in the relationship and he uses his masculine strength and energy to help her break through her fears she will then feel connected and safe again with herself and him!
In this place of safety with him she would never want him to be female and connect to his feminine side because she feels safer being looked after by his caring loving masculine strength.
- If this has struck a chord and you would like help please get in touch.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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