When couples get into relationship struggles one of the things they do is go in search of more problems and it’s doesn’t take long for them to find them.
They then put meanings to their problems, because as humans we have to make sense of what we think. Because we trust ourselves we then believe the meanings we create, those meanings become unchallenged facts.
Those facts then allow us to become the judge of our partners.
This is one of the most dangerous practices individuals make in their relationships. NO ONE, and I mean no one is qualified to judge the behaviours of their partners.
By all means give feedback on what effect their behaviours are having on you, but never judge them.
Your judgement will be based on your assumption of the intention behind their actions, and viewing their behaviours based on your life experiences and core values. Their behaviours will be based on their life experiences and core values which will be different to yours.
To complicate things further, men and women are designed to experience the world differently due to their inbuilt survival instincts.
So becarefull that some of your judgement is not based on them being in their true gender. This can cause problems as the couple can start to distort themselves to fit into the relationships thus causing even more resentment as a polarity shift can happen and the individuals can then become unhappy or depressed as life is not how it should be.
The woman becomes masculine and the man becomes feminine. Neither happy in these roles, but ironically stuck not wanting to change through fear.
Judgements of others shows you and those you judge little to no respect, values such as respect are important to us, not some of the time, ALL THE TIME!
When you don’t live by what you say you value, trouble, unhappiness, depression, relationship break-ups are never far away.
So…turn your judgments into a cry for help from your partner, that for them something is wrong, and they are telling you because they believe you can help them.
If you knew what they really needed was your help, what would you want to give them now…?
