What has to happen for us to get LOVE? Most of us want love. Many never really get in a way which is honest and true. Couples can spend a life time together, but never get to really experience it. In today’s post I will explain why…
There is one key factor that stops them achieving true love, it’s them!
I once asked a gentleman in a session why did he feel his wife was wrong for him, and why did the lady he was having an affair with feel right?
His answer he gave told me all I needed to know…
He shared with me a list of what the affair with had given him. In that moment I knew he was focused on what he was getting from her. “Getting” is the key word!
His marriage had stopped working for him because his wife had stopped giving to him through her fears and disappointment at his attitude to her and so he was no longer “getting” love.
Now I understand the problem…
His mother had loved him so much all he knew was how to receive love, he never knew how to give it. So he would only respond with acts of love if he was given love. With this method of operating he was destined to have a life of problems, because at some point his partner would feel like she was the strength in the relationship and so he would always become unattractive over time to any female this way.
This is a fundamental problem that I see every day in relationships.
People will only give love after they have received it and this happens through a lack of education and fear. Put enough fear into a relationship and both people will stop the love! Yet they will tell me love is important all the time!?
Some people will give love, but they do because they want to receive it. This also doesn’t work because you can’t trade love it will feel fake. You also can’t give love to your partner in the way you would want it, because that won’t work either.
For example: Men believe that chocolates, flowers, money, expensive hotels, are the solution to relationship problems. Yes all those things are great, but unless he knows how to connect with her in the way she needs it, she will feel disconnected from him, knowing he doesn’t really understand her.
His intentions are good, but a life with a man who doesn’t understand her is a scary life. For men in this place a life with a woman he can’t please is equally scary for him. So they both can decide to part thinking the relationship is wrong.
So how does love happen?
First of all you can’t take love it won’t work this way ever! The only point that love is felt is at the point of giving, when you give love that is when you feel it, but it has to be in the way he or she needs it or it won’t be accepted and reciprocated.
Now the challenge is magnified, because if you do give love and it’s not received as love it will feel like a rejection so now the giver of love stops giving and the receiver stops getting. This will continue until both people give up and the love dies.
Love will happen if…
So if you want to feel love, first of all give it. Give because you define yourself as a loving person and never stop giving no matter what your partner does.
If you want your partner to feel good because you love them, find out how they feel love from you. What is it you do that helps them to feel loved? What can you do more of? What do they need that equals love to them. Share your version of love with them too. Help them to be successful at loving you.
Once you know give it that way and make that your addiction…
Never pull love away EVER! Your relationship dies a little every time you do .
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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