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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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How can I get Love?

What has to happen for us to get LOVE? Most of us want love. Many never really get in a way which is honest and true. Couples can spend a life time together, but never get to really experience it. In today’s post I will explain why…

There is one key factor that stops them achieving true love, it’s them!

I once asked a gentleman in a session why did he feel his wife was wrong for him, and why did the lady he was having an affair with feel right?

His answer he gave told me all I needed to know…

He shared with me a list of what the affair with had given him. In that moment I knew he was focused on what he was getting from her. “Getting” is the key word!

His marriage had stopped working for him because his wife had stopped giving to him through her fears and disappointment at his attitude to her and so he was no longer “getting” love.

Now I understand the problem…

His mother had loved him so much all he knew was how to receive love, he never knew how to give it. So he would only respond with acts of love if he was given love. With this method of operating he was destined to have a life of problems, because at some point his partner would feel like she was the strength in the relationship and so he would always become unattractive over time to any female this way.

This is a fundamental problem that I see every day in relationships.

People will only give love after they have received it and this happens through a lack of education and fear. Put enough fear into a relationship and both people will stop the love! Yet they will tell me love is important all the time!?

Some people will give love, but they do because they want to receive it. This also doesn’t work because you can’t trade love it will feel fake. You also can’t give love to your partner in the way you would want it, because that won’t work either.

For example: Men believe that chocolates, flowers, money, expensive hotels, are the solution to relationship problems. Yes all those things are great, but unless he knows how to connect with her in the way she needs it, she will feel disconnected from him, knowing he doesn’t really understand her.

His intentions are good, but a life with a man who doesn’t understand her is a scary life. For men in this place a life with a woman he can’t please is equally scary for him. So they both can decide to part thinking the relationship is wrong.

So how does love happen?

First of all you can’t take love it won’t work this way ever! The only point that love is felt is at the point of giving, when you give love that is when you feel it, but it has to be in the way he or she needs it or it won’t be accepted and reciprocated.

Now the challenge is magnified, because if you do give love and it’s not received as love it will feel like a rejection so now the giver of love stops giving and the receiver stops getting. This will continue until both people give up and the love dies.

Love will happen if…

So if you want to feel love, first of all give it. Give because you define yourself as a loving person and never stop giving no matter what your partner does.

If you want your partner to feel good because you love them, find out how they feel love from you. What is it you do that helps them to feel loved? What can you do more of? What do they need that equals love to them. Share your version of love with them too. Help them to be successful at loving you.

Once you know give it that way and make that your addiction…

Never pull love away EVER! Your relationship dies a little every time you do .

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship - June 26, 2025
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?” - June 26, 2025
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage - June 26, 2025

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Recent Posts

  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage
  • Feeling Torn Between Two Relationships?
  • How to Help Spouse Heal After Affair?
  • How to Rebuild Emotional Safety (Without Needing Them to Go First)

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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