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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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How can I get Love?

What has to happen for us to get LOVE? Most of us want love. Many never really get in a way which is honest and true. Couples can spend a life time together, but never get to really experience it. In today’s post I will explain why…

There is one key factor that stops them achieving true love, it’s them!

I once asked a gentleman in a session why did he feel his wife was wrong for him, and why did the lady he was having an affair with feel right?

His answer he gave told me all I needed to know…

He shared with me a list of what the affair with had given him. In that moment I knew he was focused on what he was getting from her. “Getting” is the key word!

His marriage had stopped working for him because his wife had stopped giving to him through her fears and disappointment at his attitude to her and so he was no longer “getting” love.

Now I understand the problem…

His mother had loved him so much all he knew was how to receive love, he never knew how to give it. So he would only respond with acts of love if he was given love. With this method of operating he was destined to have a life of problems, because at some point his partner would feel like she was the strength in the relationship and so he would always become unattractive over time to any female this way.

This is a fundamental problem that I see every day in relationships.

People will only give love after they have received it and this happens through a lack of education and fear. Put enough fear into a relationship and both people will stop the love! Yet they will tell me love is important all the time!?

Some people will give love, but they do because they want to receive it. This also doesn’t work because you can’t trade love it will feel fake. You also can’t give love to your partner in the way you would want it, because that won’t work either.

For example: Men believe that chocolates, flowers, money, expensive hotels, are the solution to relationship problems. Yes all those things are great, but unless he knows how to connect with her in the way she needs it, she will feel disconnected from him, knowing he doesn’t really understand her.

His intentions are good, but a life with a man who doesn’t understand her is a scary life. For men in this place a life with a woman he can’t please is equally scary for him. So they both can decide to part thinking the relationship is wrong.

So how does love happen?

First of all you can’t take love it won’t work this way ever! The only point that love is felt is at the point of giving, when you give love that is when you feel it, but it has to be in the way he or she needs it or it won’t be accepted and reciprocated.

Now the challenge is magnified, because if you do give love and it’s not received as love it will feel like a rejection so now the giver of love stops giving and the receiver stops getting. This will continue until both people give up and the love dies.

Love will happen if…

So if you want to feel love, first of all give it. Give because you define yourself as a loving person and never stop giving no matter what your partner does.

If you want your partner to feel good because you love them, find out how they feel love from you. What is it you do that helps them to feel loved? What can you do more of? What do they need that equals love to them. Share your version of love with them too. Help them to be successful at loving you.

Once you know give it that way and make that your addiction…

Never pull love away EVER! Your relationship dies a little every time you do .

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
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W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage
  • Misdiagnosis – Divorce Prevention Part 3

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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