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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Tortured by the past”!

What do you do when a past problem from years before stays alive in your marriage?

One of the daily challenges I see in my sessions is a person who is frequently reacting to a wrong that’s happened in their relationship years before.

The couple may find the wrong keeps coming up through conflict, disabling their connection.

As the person connects to that past, event you’ll notice the person having a complete physical and emotional response to the situation as if it was happening at that moment.

This thinking is powerful enough for the person to keep reliving the same problem over and over.

I remember talking to a couple about their challenges, and she told me 25 years before he had an affair and instantly started to cry.

She bought it up like it happened yesterday.

The husband rolled his eyes as the affair to him was in a different lifetime, and he couldn’t believe that was part of our session today.

She in contrast, was so identified with that time 25 years ago and the pain she experienced; she was reliving it all over again in that session.

There are many factors to uncover in that couple’s situation too big to cover in just one post.

The bigger picture is to help both people in that situation take responsibility, so their history stayed in their past and was not part of their future.

Just to focus on this lady.

The challenge she faced, she was far too identified with what happened 25 years before.

So the power and intensity of the problem remained through that identification; she essentially was keeping it alive.

She kept worrying if she was safe today and if that problem will happen again, this type of thinking is exhausting for both people.

I made her aware that she was living an experience that was not happening right now, so it was only present in her mind.

I then gave her some tools to interrupt and change her pattern so she could see his affair as a time that woke them up to their problems whenever she remembered the situation.

It’s not possible to forget these types of events, but it is possible to have a different emotional response when they are remembered.

It was a time to grow from rather than make her far less of who she was, which exhausted her.

I also gave her husband the necessary tools that would help him reassure her to the point she could see she was safe with him.

The combination of her understanding what she was doing to herself and how to change that combined with helping the husband create an emotionally safe energy around her is powerful.

That meant she could switch her focus away from her fears and towards what she wanted, emotions such as love, passion, fun.

Category iconInfidelity-Affairs,  Loss of Love,  Marriage Coaching,  Personal Development,  Top 10 Popular Posts

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

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Over 1000 Relationship Articles

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • When a marriage breaks down – What do I do?
  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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