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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Too many people regret divorcing once the dust has settled

Divorce regret
He never wanted the divorce, but her regret was driving her to want him back…

Very sad divorce regret story that changed her whole life and the life of her child who had no say in her mistake, she said to me “…but I’m confused, why was I so sure I wanted to divorce him?

What do you do when a spouse is convinced the marriage is over?

Unfortunately for many couples, they are unaware of how much havoc their minds can play with their thoughts as they struggle to make sense of their marital crisis. 

So I thought it worthwhile to expand on this topic of divorce regret to help you either avoid this or take action if divorce is on your mind.

I see a good volume of couples that have split up prior to seeing me and months/years later come to my session needing help to understand what happened and how can they ensure it doesn’t happen again.

When we experience relationship problems, of course, our feelings are real, but the meanings we put to them are not going to be as factual as we might think.

A study was conducted and it revealed that at least 50% of people that chose to divorce regretted that decision once the dust had settled.

You can bet before their divorce they were 100% convinced this was the right decision.

I remember a couple in a session 3 years ago, she was hell-bent on leaving her husband, they had a two-year-old son.

She was shut down and totally detached emotionally. She said she had no feelings for him whatsoever and they were over.

I was not convinced she was doing the right thing and told her so, but she was on a mission to leave.

Three months after she left him she called an emergency session with me and flew 1000s of miles to spend a day with me.

She wanted to know why she had wanted a divorce so passionately and why did she feel so different today?

She had a new brief for me: She wanted me to help her win her husband back.

This turned out to be impossible for her because although he never wanted the divorce he had quickly moved on to what turned out to be his new wife.

It’s very common for men to move quickly when a relationship ends, it’s the fastest way he knows to get over his wife’s decision to divorce him.

She was totally devastated and spent weeks with me getting over her decision.

This was a very sad story, many people are so unaware that their relationship can create such powerful feelings that can confuse their ability to make a decision that’s good for them.

Some people are divorcing their partner only to discover they experience similar problems in the next relationship.

Individuals come to sessions after multiple relationship failures communicating that they can now see the problem was not their partners or their relationships it was actually them.

In the severest of cases as a person moves towards divorce, the individual can seem to rewrite their history to be bad right from the start.

They will even be reluctant to even seek help because what they feel represents their new truth.

What they feel and have been feeling for a while has not helped them feel good and so they have attached that feeling to their relationship, but this assumption will always be an oversimplification.

They will, of course, have an answer for every challenge, turn any fact into more of a reason to leave and even be happy to make it all their fault, but this doesn’t make what they are saying true, but it will feel true to them.

One of the many challenges: The person who is feeling bad is usually unaware they are the one creating their own feelings and so the question that is left unanswered is what feelings are being created and what is really causing them?

What most people discover is what they think is not going to be their truth, this is a shocking realisation.

So if a person is shutting down emotionally in their relationship this needs to be expanded so they can learn if the relationship is really dying or is the person’s thinking is part of the problem.

What I usually find is both people’s thinking has been the problem and this is due to a catalogue of misunderstandings leading the couple to disconnect.

Attach the wrong meaning to a situation and you’ll make yourself feel bad but blame your partner

In my position, I know full well how much couples need to know if they are going to have a relationship for life.

Sadly many don’t know what information they are missing and in the end, become too seduced by their reactive feelings.

One of the typical focuses is to keep all the wrongs they have experienced alive in their mind.

A person who feels wronged and keeps focused on those wrongs will eventually make a decision to detach and at that moment it’s only a matter of time till they feel so numb they now feel safe to leave the marriage.

If couples took a moment to explore their relationship and their own behaviours what many will discover is where they are is where they should be based on how they have reacted to each other.

Usually what’s at fault is the couples’ lack of knowledge of what has to really happen if they are going to keep a marriage alive for life.

Getting a divorce is a big decision and for many a big gamble and sadly they are not aware they are taking it.

All they are focused on is getting out and feeling good again.

Divorcing has lasting consequences not just for the couple, but also for their children not forgetting the extended families.

So when they do get out of the marriage feeling good can be a short-lived relief followed by the real truth that any divorce will bring.

Want help to avoid a “divorce regret” together or alone follow this link

 

Category iconMarriage Coaching,  Separation & Divorce,  Top 10 Popular Posts Tag icondivorce regret

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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