I meet so many business men and women who are at the top of their game. They have built amazing companies yet they are all suffering with their marriages.
Each one of these business-savvy people ended up with a struggle because their understanding and skill in their business was not equalled by their understanding and skill (skills they didn’t know they needed) for building a successful marriage.
In many cases I see these individuals were using the skills they used to build their business empires as a foundation to build their marriage and were utterly confused when the outcome was less than successful.
I remember one CEO sat in front of me, he ran a blue-chip company everyone knows, he said: “I have many females that work for me and they all love me, why can’t I get the one at home to love me too?”
That sentence really showed that this clearly very intelligent man was totally unaware of the difference between a CEO and a husband and why would he?
Where in our educational system is anyone teaching us how to be married for life?
It’s interesting that even the brightest minds are not seeing their reality.
They know they need education to become successful in business, but they don’t think they need the education to stay successfully married.
This distorted thinking provides proof that even the brightest minds don’t know what they don’t know. Plus why would they look for the answers to problems that for many don’t appear straight away, in some cases for years?
It’s only when their life is crumbling around them do they start their search for answers.
I speak to many confused and scared individuals shocked their relationship has hit the rocks and are unaware of what they can do about it.
It’s also interesting that when it comes down to it, the business and their money is far less important than their family they have unintentionally neglected for years.
The quality of our most intimate relationship is where our fulfilment and joy really sits. Many don’t discover this until it’s too late.
Imagine thinking that going to work and bringing home the money was the most important job only to discover it was actually the least important job and your partner has emotionally exited the relationship and you have no way to influence their decision.
Many people believe if they focus on their careers and bring home a good wage that is all that’s needed to do their bit.
I see so many people go into marital crisis at retirement or when the kids leave home or when a business has been sold.
What all these people discover is a profound lack of connection with their partner that they never noticed before.
A typical pattern I see is when one person looks after the children and the other works for a living. Both are busy with their individual purposes totally unaware the point of being together is being lost.
I asked one gentleman what was the purpose of his marriage and he said it was to bring up the kids, he couldn’t think of another purpose.
This is a worry because what happens when the kids leave home.
One businessman found himself in a 7-year legal battle.
He won the battle and wanted to celebrate with his wife. She was happy for him, but the time and energy (24/7 – 365) he put into winning his case left his relationship starved.
He never considered the cost of wining and even if it was important to her.
Alone, disconnected and abandoned for 7 years led her to asked her husband for a divorce and now the legal win for him actually meant nothing.
Far too many people are totally disconnected from what’s important to their partner.
One very wealthy couple were totally disconnected she told him the money was really meaningless and he just wouldn’t believe her.
For her, she had everything except an emotional connection that made sense to her so the relationship became pointless.
The balance of life is so important to get right and you must do it as a team.
Relationships for life are full of hidden complexities, that need to be understood and then simplified.
Many of you need to take action to undercover the truth and bring real understanding and new skills to your marriage.
You can do this together or on your own.