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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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His marriage was over!

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be.

They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over.

He had lost all feelings for his wife.

Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair.

But even though that affair ended, he couldn’t shake the feelings the affair had created.

His memory of his marriage was not good at all.

He had historical love for his wife, but he was not actively in love with her.

The feelings the affair gave him were compounding his inability to take part in the marriage.

He knew how good he could feel and hadn’t felt that for years in his marriage.

Everything was pointing to the fact the counsellors were right.

So he stayed away from her; he felt irritated by his wife and yet couldn’t leave her either.

I see this type of challenge a lot – a person has lost their feelings and feels getting them back is impossible.

He came to me alone, wanting to see what was possible.

As I looked into their dynamic, I noticed something very interesting that became the tipping point that enabled him to see his relationship with his wife differently.

When they met, they were attracted to each other due to a distorted dynamic – this is critical to understand.

In other words, their fear-driven needs had found a home with each other.

It was like the perfect storm.

She liked being in control, and he found this attractive.

He liked her taking control, leading the relationship and making decisions.

What he didn’t know was she only liked being in control because she feared being vulnerable.

He was happy for her to lead; his father had done the same with his mother, so for him, it was normal.

So they liked their dynamic unaware they were sitting on a time bomb.

As the years progressed, he started his own business and became more confident.

He became a leader and a contributor, and a decision-maker, so he is no longer passive.

In contrast, she had become a mum and was becoming more reliant on him.

Their emotional roles were reversed.

She was becoming vulnerable, and this created fear in her – she needed him.

He saw this fear and lack of confidence in her as her becoming needy, and it didn’t fit his attractiveness model.

So he emotionally moved away, which made things worse as it compounded her neediness.

The gap grew so big he started an affair with one of his employees.

When the affair finished, he felt totally lost.

He didn’t want to leave his wife but couldn’t find a way back and was left addicted to the feelings the affair gave him.

He asked me whether it is possible to fall back in love with his wife.

He said, “I have a lovely family. My wife knows about the affair, and she wants me to stay. It’s far more than I deserve.”

“I just don’t know how to meet this generosity in her” – he was so lost he started to cry.

What came next was a process to help him understand what had happened and why.

I started here.

“Firstly, when you first met, you were attracted to your wife because you played a more feminine role.

Your feminine energy was attracted to her masculine energy.

The problem is her masculine energy was only there because she was stuck in it from childhood.

This role she played was not reflective of her true nature.

She learned at a young age she had to become her own protector.

She felt no one could be trusted to do that but her.

So she felt at home in her masculine energy not because it was good, it was simply a familiar home/identity.

Through pregnancy and life challenges, she became vulnerable, her worst nightmare.

She changed into a more vulnerable feminine energy and felt destabilised here.

You coded this as unattractive.

BUT… what you had not noticed is you had changed too, and you liked the change in you.

Your strength and confidence are something you liked in your business.

But you’re not applying this at home because this is not in your mind the attraction dynamic.

Your attraction dynamic says you must be feminine at home, but it didn’t now feel good, so you felt bad and attached that feeling to her.

You attracted your affair partner through your strength and confidence to lead.

So now he could now see why he stopped finding his wife attractive.

This made total sense to him.

Now we had to overcome two big problems to make the marriage work.

  1. His addiction to the emotions the affair gave him and reigniting his love for his wife.
    I helped him reduce his feelings for the affair partner by helping him understand how that addiction was built.
    He learnt his feeling were nothing to do with her and had everything to do with him.
  2. I then helped him rebuild his emotional system in regard to his wife by reactivating the future.

People who live in troubled relationships usually lose connection with the future, so they have nothing to step towards – no growth.

No growth for a human is emotional death.

It took about eight weeks to undo what wasn’t working and rebuild what reflected the truth of their relationship.

Today he is back in love with his wife, he is an active protector of her, and he is designing and excited about their future together.

He has become a powerful role model for his children, and his wife is now safe to be vulnerable with him.

A series of massive breakthroughs have led him to avoid a life-changing mistake.

There were many life-changing strategies that took place to help him out of his place of hopelessness, that culminated in him becoming as powerful at home as he was at work.

He told me he was so thankful he didn’t give up.

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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10 Harley Street
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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • The Blame Game Trap!
  • “The Relationship Mirror Problem”
  • The Success Path for Failing Marriages
  • Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown
  • “Free your partner before they free themselves”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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