• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

New Clients: +44 (0)845 519 4808

Existing Clients +44 (0)20 3793 2829

Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

  • Marriage Breakthrough Program 2.0
  • FAQ
  • Clients Success Stories
  • About
  • Appointments
  • Blog

His Marriage was Over!

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be.

They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over.

He had lost all feelings for his wife.

Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair.

But even though that affair ended, he couldn’t shake the feelings the affair had created.

His memory of his marriage was not good at all.

He had historical love for his wife, but he was not actively in love with her.

The feelings the affair gave him were compounding his inability to take part in the marriage.

He knew how good he could feel and hadn’t felt that for years in his marriage.

Everything was pointing to the fact the counsellors were right.

So he stayed away from her; he felt irritated by his wife and yet couldn’t leave her either.

I see this type of challenge a lot – a person has lost their feelings and feels getting them back is impossible.

He came to me alone, wanting to see what was possible.

As I looked into their dynamic, I noticed something very interesting that became the tipping point that enabled him to see his relationship with his wife differently.

When they met, they were attracted to each other due to a distorted dynamic – this is critical to understand.

In other words, their fear-driven needs had found a home with each other.

It was like the perfect storm.

She liked being in control, and he found this attractive.

He liked her taking control, leading the relationship and making decisions.

What he didn’t know was she only liked being in control because she feared being vulnerable.

He was happy for her to lead; his father had done the same with his mother, so for him, it was normal.

So they liked their dynamic unaware they were sitting on a time bomb.

As the years progressed, he started his own business and became more confident.

He became a leader and a contributor, and a decision-maker, so he is no longer passive.

In contrast, she had become a mum and was becoming more reliant on him.

Their emotional roles were reversed.

She was becoming vulnerable, and this created fear in her – she needed him.

He saw this fear and lack of confidence in her as her becoming needy, and it didn’t fit his attractiveness model.

So he emotionally moved away, which made things worse as it compounded her neediness.

The gap grew so big he started an affair with one of his employees.

When the affair finished, he felt totally lost.

He didn’t want to leave his wife but couldn’t find a way back and was left addicted to the feelings the affair gave him.

He asked me whether it is possible to fall back in love with his wife.

He said, “I have a lovely family. My wife knows about the affair, and she wants me to stay. It’s far more than I deserve.”

“I just don’t know how to meet this generosity in her” – he was so lost he started to cry.

What came next was a process to help him understand what had happened and why.

I started here.

“Firstly, when you first met, you were attracted to your wife because you played a more feminine role.

Your feminine energy was attracted to her masculine energy.

The problem is her masculine energy was only there because she was stuck in it from childhood.

This role she played was not reflective of her true nature.

She learned at a young age she had to become her own protector.

She felt no one could be trusted to do that but her.

So she felt at home in her masculine energy not because it was good, it was simply a familiar home/identity.

Through pregnancy and life challenges, she became vulnerable, her worst nightmare.

She changed into a more vulnerable feminine energy and felt destabilised here.

You coded this as unattractive.

BUT… what you had not noticed is you had changed too, and you liked the change in you.

Your strength and confidence are something you liked in your business.

But you’re not applying this at home because this is not in your mind the attraction dynamic.

Your attraction dynamic says you must be feminine at home, but it didn’t now feel good, so you felt bad and attached that feeling to her.

You attracted your affair partner through your strength and confidence to lead.

So now he could now see why he stopped finding his wife attractive.

This made total sense to him.

Now we had to overcome two big problems to make the marriage work.

  1. His addiction to the emotions the affair gave him and reigniting his love for his wife.
    I helped him reduce his feelings for the affair partner by helping him understand how that addiction was built.
    He learnt his feeling were nothing to do with her and had everything to do with him.
  2. I then helped him rebuild his emotional system in regard to his wife by reactivating the future.

People who live in troubled relationships usually lose connection with the future, so they have nothing to step towards – no growth.

No growth for a human is emotional death.

It took about eight weeks to undo what wasn’t working and rebuild what reflected the truth of their relationship.

Today he is back in love with his wife, he is an active protector of her, and he is designing and excited about their future together.

He has become a powerful role model for his children, and his wife is now safe to be vulnerable with him.

A series of massive breakthroughs have led him to avoid a life-changing mistake.

There were many life-changing strategies that took place to help him out of his place of hopelessness, that culminated in him becoming as powerful at home as he was at work.

He told me he was so thankful he didn’t give up.

Category iconCase Studies,  Destructive Patterns,  Separation & Divorce,  Stuck,  Testimonials

Stephen Hedger
About the author:
Stephen Hedger
Founder & Trusted Advisor to High Performers

Stephen is the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, a proven system designed to help high-achieving individuals rescue and rebuild their relationships. His work has been featured by global CEOs, elite entrepreneurs, and leaders all on the edge of divorce. Stephen’s approach combines emotional intelligence with practical strategy. He’s coached clients across the globe and is known for simplifying the complex dynamics of love and leadership. Recognised for helping couples reconnect without compromising success, Stephen is the trusted relationship expert for those who want results when everything is at stake.

"Follow simple yet powerful steps designed to save and reignite a marriage fast no matter what has happened"

"Click to Claim Your FREE Consultation Now!"

Recent Posts

  • Do You Know Your Values & Why They Are So Important?
  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
  • “How to Fix Communication Issues in a Marriage”
  • “First Step to Fixing Any Marriage Problem”
  • Impossible Marriage Problems?
  • “What if I’m not enough?”
  • “Another 5 Years Like This? No Way!”
  • In Crisis, their Minds Destroyed Their Lives
  • “Couples are failing at the basics…”
  • “You Might Be in the Wrong Relationship… But Not for the Reason You Think…”

Over 1300 Relationship Articles


Categories

  • A thought for Sunday (29)
  • Case Studies (2)
  • Communication (70)
  • Destructive Patterns (137)
  • Discussion (2)
  • Infidelity-Affairs (38)
  • Loss of Love (43)
  • Loss of passion (35)
  • Lost Attraction (22)
  • Marriage Coaching (424)
  • Marriage Mastery Assessment (1)
  • Masculine & Feminine (9)
  • Monday Breakthrough (2)
  • Personal Development (105)
  • Rebuilding trust (39)
  • Relationship Stories (24)
  • Retirement Crisis (6)
  • Save Marriage Alone (42)
  • Separation & Divorce (9)
  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts (54)
  • Stuck (9)
  • Testimonials (59)
  • Top 10 Popular Posts (12)
  • Uncategorized (761)

Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

Popular Posts

  • Women are struggling, but men don’t understand why
  • Built an Empire and lost a Family
  • Marriage in Limbo
  • Rebuilding Connection & Trust
  • Divorce Regret
  • Divorce Prevention
  • Resentment Stacking
  • 36 Principles For Success
  • My Wife is Aggressive
  • A Wise Old Man's Decision
  • I was in tears
  • Tourtured by the past

Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally.


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.


Click to Download FREE

Footer

Expert Help Available Worldwide via Zoom

For assistance from Stephen, contact his team at:

📞 +44 (0)845 519 4808


Recent Clients: New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • The Marriage Quiz
  • Coaching Services
  • Marriage Counselling Alternative
  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • Individual Coaching
  • About
  • Clients Success Stories
  • Explore 1,300+ FREE articles designed to help you navigate impossible challenges using fresh insights.
  • FAQs
  • Mission: Vision: Values:

Recent Posts

  • Do You Know Your Values & Why They Are So Important?
  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
  • “How to Fix Communication Issues in a Marriage”
  • “First Step to Fixing Any Marriage Problem”
Apply For Help Here Now...

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

Terms & Privacy Policy      Copyright © 2025 StephenHedger.com. All rights reserved. Company No.08279028    Return to top