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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Marriage in crisis due to an affair? Learn the steps to rebuilding the trust whilst creating a brand new dynamic that future proofs the relationship.

When an affair is discovered it has the ability to create the most volcanic reactions. Infidelity has the power to shock the relationship into never being the same again ever. So if you want to save your relationship then understanding your partners’ experience is going to be critical to helping them feel safe to trust again.

The person who discovers their partner has had an affair is shocked into their own personal battle.

It’s like they become two versions of themselves. One part of them still loves their partner, and the other part is aggressively protecting themselves from their partner.

So they become confused and disoriented. No matter what they do it doesn’t feel right, they want the pain to go, but everything is a trigger that leads to their partners’ affair.

This splitting of identity within the victim is that persons protective pattern. This person needs to remember the affair so they don’t forget this is designed to protect themselves and remind their partner of the pain they have inflicted.

This pattern of self-protection gives them an addiction to the details of the affair. Was sex better? Did you sleep in our bed? How many times did you have sex? Did you ever think of me? I want all the receipts, all the bank statements, phone bills, your phone…

The list goes on…

This person’s addictive protection can go over the same information, asking the same questions thinking they will feel better if they get all the answers.

Of course the more detail the person gains the deeper the pain goes as more triggers are born to keep the affair alive.

The affair creates such powerful emotions because it’s cast iron proof they are not loved, it’s proof that another is better than them, these trigger the worst and deepest fears.

For some, an affair is so overwhelming that the relationship ends instantly. For others, they battle with the after-shock for years never really recovering.

The total contrast is the person that has an affair and wants to keep their marriage, simply wants to get rid of the problem as fast as possible so they can get back to how things were.

This person has to realise that philosophy has the potential to compound the problem.

As you can see the couple now have a problem, one person wants to keep the affair alive for protection and the other wants to get rid of it fast, almost pretending it never happened.

Many people have affairs and can’t believe what they have done and some do have a conscious reason. One person described it like waking up holding a hot coal. During the affair, they can be disconnected to the consequences of their actions only woken up when they are connected with the very real possibility of loss.

It’s the handling of this process on both sides that is key to the survival of the couple.

You cannot bury an affair/infidelity and expect a loving connect relationship. If you wrongly chose to shut the person up this will only demonstrate their pain is falling on deaf ears which is more proof you don’t care, or their pain is now an irritation because they should have gotten over this by now.

If the wounds are not healed by both people the person can suffer silently never really being in the relationship. So the affair always sits in the back of this persons mind, so the relationships dies.

So a relationship/marriage that falls foul of an affair has three directions to go.

1. It can end
2. It can strangle the relationship year after year.
or
3. You can use the affair to create a brand new marriage.

Couples who learn how to use the affair/infidelity as a springboard into a new and far better relationship become stronger and more connected than ever before.

The irony for these couples is the affair has shocked the couple into learning what it really takes to create a relationship that’s passionate and secure. This is what many couples are missing and is what can create the problems that lead to affairs.

The process of rebuilding a relationship after an affair needs gentle steps that honour the individuals’ feelings, and questions.

The steps help the couple deal with why the affair happened and provide a safe platform to help them reconnect with more knowledge and confidence than before.

The victim of the affair can learn the steps to rebuild their confidence and self-esteem which an affair will have shattered.

In essence, the couple can learn how breakthrough the shock of the affair and how to permanently protect the relationship in the years to come.

If you have had an affair and you want to save your marriage or you are the victim of an affair and are not sure what to do please click affair breakthrough to book an initial consultation.

Category iconInfidelity-Affairs,  Marriage Coaching

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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