• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

New Clients: +44 (0)845 519 4808

Existing Clients +44 (0)20 3793 2829

Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • FAQs
  • Success Stories
  • About
  • Appointments
  • Blog

Women are struggling, but men don’t understand why – Mini Post

I have had hundreds of sessions where a lady in a session is sharing her upset and the man is totally confused as to why she would feel this way.

His confusion usually results in him minimising and dismissing her feelings, this can for many become a behaviour he will learn to regret so please take the next few minutes seriously.

So as this dynamic keeps popping up in my sessions, I thought I’d share what I’m seeing to help anyone in this situation.

In simple terms, many women are sharing their emotional distress, but their husbands are simply not connecting to the severity of what they are experiencing.

She feels the problem is 11/10 so painful and urgent, he, in contrast, sees her problem as 1/10 so not a problem at all and what’s all the fuss about?

Why don’t you just let it go? he says totally unaware she can’t.

To the men reading this please don’t ignore her because she is heading for a place she may struggle to come back from.

If she says we need help believe her, if she says she’s struggling believe her.

You see many men will think she is making a mountain out of a molehill she isn’t!

For her, him not hearing her can start her on a path to a change of identity which he won’t like and many women don’t like who they become either.

But this change will happen especially when she is around him as her wall goes up due to the stacked resentment she is attaching to him.

There are two emotional systems she will reactively bring to the table depending on how she is emotionally patterned.

The first pattern is this –

If this process continues the woman may conclude her sharing is a waste of time.

So she may stop communicating emotionally, but she can carry on a transactional relationship where she looks after her own emotions and protects herself.

Apart from the loss of sexual connection which is likely in this dynamic, he won’t see too much of a change from his perspective.

In fact, to him, it’s quieter so everything must be okay. Note to men: A quiet wife is not always a happy one.

After holding her real emotions in she may start to suffer from the occasional outbursts through sheer frustration, but she still doesn’t rely on him to help her.

He is totally unaware she has lost emotional security, and emotional connection and this means she has lost trust and that’s a problem.

She stops seeing him as a protection energy now she just resents him.

In this model, she can be emotionally detached from him, many men come into my session totally unaware of what he has done and he’s now fighting to save the marriage on his own.

The second pattern is this –

The second model is when she can feel he is minimising her feelings, but this time creates a volcanic reaction in her.

She still won’t get the connection she wants as she tries to get through.

In reaction, he is likely to defend, attack or abandon her, or worse try to reason with her so she sees it his way.

In his mind, she is overly emotional about nothing and also prone to irrational rages so clearly out of control.

In his head, she has behaved badly so he won’t reward this behaviour.

In her head, she won’t be able to keep this loss of connection up for much longer as she loses trust in him.

She can feel unsafe in the marriage.

She will feel far too masculine too often when she is around him.

Some women can start to wonder if she is in the wrong marriage, some get connection from affairs and others get their needs met through friends and family.

Men are not seeing what she is going through so are shocked when she tells him she is leaving or she wants a divorce.

Men must start to see the world she is in or she cannot be herself with him.

Many men tell me she is confusing, irrational, mean, and negative, unfortunately, all he is really telling me is how much he doesn’t understand about her.

Women’s logic is logical, but it’s just not his logic so if he keeps trying to solve their problems his way he will keep getting a bad reaction and then blame her.

So my message today is STOP thinking your perspective as a man is the only one.

I run programs to help both men and women on their own understand these critical differences and connect to why their partner is experiencing life this way.

So if this is happening to you please get a sanity check before anyone makes a decision they might regret.

Category iconMarriage Coaching,  Stop & Never - Mini Posts,  Top 10 Popular Posts

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

Read their stories!

Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post
  • Committing to Personal Integrity – Mini Post
  • Men are afraid – Mini Post
  • Are you in a trading relationship? – Mini post
  • Communicating with MEN – Mini Post
  • From Stephen Hedger to you…
  • “Divorce won’t solve this…” – Mini Post
  • “He will remember it all forever!” – Mini Post
  • “She never knew this was her job!” – Mini post
  • Leadership Skills for Relationships – Mini Post
  • What makes a good partner? – Mini post
  • “Do you have good family values?” – Mini Post
  • “Which man should she choose?” – Mini post
  • “Did you enjoy yourself?” – Mini Post
  • The connection that kills passion – Mini post
  • “Why she stops finding him attractive” – Mini post

Over 1000 Relationship Articles

Categories

  • A thought for Sunday
  • Communication
  • Destructive Patterns
  • Discussion
  • Infidelity-Affairs
  • Loss of Love
  • Loss of passion
  • Lost Attraction
  • Marriage Coaching
  • Personal Development
  • Rebuilding trust
  • Relationship Stories
  • Retirement Crisis
  • Save Marriage Alone
  • Separation & Divorce
  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts
  • Stuck
  • Testimonials
  • Top 10 Popular Posts
  • Uncategorized

 

Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

Popular Posts

  • Women are struggling, but men don’t understand why
  • Built an Empire and lost a Family
  • Marriage in Limbo
  • Rebuilding Connection & Trust
  • Divorce Regret
  • Divorce Prevention
  • Resentment Stacking
  • 36 Principles For Success
  • My Wife is Aggressive
  • A Wise Old Man's Decision
  • I was in tears
  • Tourtured by the past

Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

Footer

Sessions currently held over Zoom

If you are interested in Stephens help please call his team on

+44 (0)845 519 4808


Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Marriage Counselling Alternative
  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • Individual Coaching
  • About
  • Success Stories
  • Over 1000 Articles
  • FAQs
  • Mission: Vision: Values:

Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

Apply FOR HELP NOW

Terms & Privacy Policy      Copyright © 2023 StephenHedger.com. All rights reserved. Company No.08279028    Return to top