When someone shares this problem with me there is, of course, a possibility they are right and the relationship is the wrong one, but if it’s blindly believed it’s also a big risk to take action on.
What this person needs is clarity.
There is also a significant possibility their thinking has led them to a place they might regret if they believe the wrong thing.
I recently shared the concept of feeling stuck and the solution was to see the problem differently so an empowering solution can appear.
So it’s better to find out the choices and get clarity on what is best for this person so they are safe.
For someone to say the words “I’m not sure I want the relationship anymore” they will have spent a significant amount of time not liking how they felt about themselves when they are with their partner.
Many are tending to blame their partner, but this is one-dimensional thinking that can lead them to more problems.
As this person has been part of the creation of the marriage they tell me they don’t like the question is simple.
“Have you both simply created the wrong relationship connection without knowing?”
You see what I keep seeing is people are instrumental in bringing out the worst in each other and so the connection that should build love, care and passion naturally dies.
Neither person will feel good and so they attach that feeling to each other.
They will become good at practising that specific dynamic and over the years consistently feel bad and attach that to the relationship.
They then wrongly see this as their truth and their dormant feelings of loss of love, attraction and passion are permanent.
This feeling will lead them into limited thinking and that leads them into feeling it’s hopeless and they buy it.
Feelings are powerful yet each situation has the ability to create many perceptions and therefore many feelings so which one should a person trust?
In my twenties I would have seen a woman being upset at me as negative, I would see her words as critical and aggressive and that would create a feeling I didn’t like.
Present the same situation to me today and I will not choose to make her upset about me. I will care about her upset and make it my mission to hear her upset and help her.
The situation is the same, what’s different is how I see it and that generates a very different feeling in me.
One situation made me feel bad and attach that to her. In the other situation, I approached her problem with kindness, love and compassion all without judgment.
That approach created empowered feelings minus fear.
You see people are misunderstanding each other making themselves feel bad and blaming the relationship.
My question is what would happen if you created a brand new relationship, but this time one that is full of what you both want and need – no compromises?
Loss of love, loss of passion and loss of connection are simply energies that couples switch on and off without knowing.
The couples are totally oblivious to the fact the energy is still there they just don’t know what to do to reignite it because they have become so skilled at making sure it stays off.
They can leave their marriage, but they will probably do the same problem with someone new, so the solution is to find out what’s possible.
My advice is to respect they are feeling bad because their feelings are real.
Then help them to see a much bigger map of possibility and then show them how their feelings could be different and how they can take charge.
Being armed with what’s possible makes the future so much easier so, do what the smart people do…
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
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