Have you noticed that success in any area of life requires a certain amount of obsession?
If you look at business owners, you will notice that they are relentless in their quest through all the ups and downs.
Top athletes are no different. They keep on going regardless of how they feel.
Relationships are no different.
Success in a marriage is based on healthy obsession.
The problem with relationships is for many couples, the obsession at the start creates a massive payoff.
In business, you don’t get obsessed with your business, and the money flows from day one. Success takes time, effort, and understanding of learning from mistakes.
For athletes, you don’t get obsessed. Start training and the next day win a gold medal.
In relationships, the obsession is rewarded instantly for many as they feel euphoric by the new person who likes them too.
This means they feel great and did very little to create that.
This means there is no real learning, and this is where the problems start.
Business owners can lose their business, set up a new one, and be more successful much faster because they have learnt how.
Success in life isn’t about what you get; it’s about who you have to become.
In relationships, people are not understanding who they have to become before they start, and this is where the problems start.
In relationships, people become successful fast with no skills. Based on that success, they agree to legally commit themselves to each other for life without understanding what they need to do to keep it alive.
I watch businessmen and women with huge work responsibilities turn into demanding five-year-olds with their spouses.
This is my point: People do not have to learn how to make a relationship amazing, so without the core skills, they will break it, and the 50% divorce rate shows that they break it a lot.
The process of breaking their connection and not having the skills to repair the connection will result in unresolved problems that will stack.
These stacked resentments will kill the obsession that started the relationship. Now, each person will become a little less invested and will shift their focus to a new obsession.
This is why so many couples struggle. They don’t feel important to their partner.
So, the path many couples take is to go from being obsessed because they feel so good to becoming obsessed with other things when things start to go wrong in the marriage.
They become obsessed with their children, their work, their friends or their hobbies, and some get so frustrated with an unhappy marriage that they start emotional or physical affairs.
In essence, the people who suffer don’t remain obsessed with each other in a healthy way.
In fact, a new reactive and powerfully negative force can take over.
They become so obsessed with seeing their partner in a negative light.
Some practice this so much they will disconnect from all the good times as if they never happened.
So, the key to keeping a marriage alive is to learn enough about how it works to keep your obsession with it alive.
What are the rules, and what are the skills?
You see, I don’t believe sitting and talking about your problems with each other works out well.
This is because, without critical skills, each person will take something very different from the same conversation.
All that creates is more division and more upset as you think your partner gets it only to discover they didn’t at all.
You see, two people can have a conversation and feel they have agreed.
They can initially feel better but be totally unaware they have not agreed to the same interpretation.
The key skill that hampers all couples is that both people need to take away the same message that enables them to become better partners.
Unless this happens, they will struggle.
Start the process of becoming obsessed with gaining powerful skills so you can become a powerfully effective partner.
I believe that before you can engage in solving problems, you must understand the problem(s).
This is why changing just one person’s approach can have a dramatic effect on the marriage.
Once just one person can understand the problem, they can make changes that mean they are no longer part of that problem.
By no longer being part of the problematic dynamic means the emotional pattern will change and the outcome will now be different.
This will create different feelings on both sides.
If you create feelings your partner likes, and this gets practised over time, they will attach those good feelings to you.
By understand how your partner is different to you and how to get the best out of them will help you see how powerful you are this can be addictive.
This is how a new healthy obsession can be born.
By becoming a more skilled version of yourself with new understanding you can help your partner to also become a better partner without asking anything of them.
They change because they feel better; now their change is their decision.
This is how a healthy obsession can keep a marriage alive or reignite one.
You can do this on your own or together. If you are interested in marriage training, contact us today.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
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