I remember a conversation with a couple who brought up sexual frequency as a problem.
He said they never had sex.
She said they have sex all the time.
I discovered they had sex every Saturday.
What’s interesting about that conversation is how each person perceives their sex life so differently because men and women are driven so differently.
With every generalisation I make here, there are always exceptions because I see them in my sessions, but for today’s post, I’m going with the trend I keep seeing.
The challenge with such different perspectives on their sex life is when they don’t understand these critical differences.
Why she keeps saying no!
The problem I keep seeing is the women in my sessions are losing the REASON to engage sexually with their husbands.
Most men I see in the sessions are not aware she needs a reason.
Going with the trend, I see most women need emotional security and emotional connection for them to feel trust, which leads to her feeling safe with him.
The problem is men are unaware of what this means, and women seem to struggle with how to teach them this.
So, volumes of couples are losing their sexual connection, and this can build resentment in either person.
The resentments tend to be compounded by behaviours that result from the resentments on both sides.
This will not help her, and she will feel less likely to want a sexual connection with him. Her reason for not wanting him sexually will grow.
Couples must understand how to keep such an important part of their lives alive by understanding why the connection has broken and how to rebuild it so it lasts.
Both people are responsible and have an important part to play in getting it right.
The challenge with couples who ignore this problem is one person can end up believing that feeling is dead and long gone, never to return.
That limiting belief on its own can kill their connection.
I have seen couples who have been sexually inactive for 10+ years reignite their emotional and sexual relationship.
Like everything, there is a process for those who want to learn.
Please note we are not born understanding the complexity of human relationships, so when it goes wrong, there are many moving parts to see if you are going to be part of a success model.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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