I know many people use a model of punishing their partner when they have done something they perceive to be wrong or upsetting.
The problem with this model is the punisher is trying to change their partners’ behavior, but the way they are doing this is going to bring to them both more problems.
You can’t punish someone and expect they’ll feel more love and connection towards the punisher.
At best you’ll get a submission to do it your way with a dash of secret resentment stacking especially if practiced over time.
Punishment was her way
One lady was hell bent on punishing her husband because he had an affair.
The problem was is he already had one foot out of the door.
On one hand, he knew what he had done was wrong and he was prepared to put up with some upset, but in the end, her continuous punishing created the final push he needed to leave her.
Punishment simply doesn’t work in any situation because the punishment only serves to attach negative energy to the punisher.
Stacked resentments do compound to help people to leave their marriages.
So the model must change because it isn’t a safe model, here are a few typical activities.
- Criticising
- Withdrawing
- Controlling
- Blaming
- Judgeing
Outwardly punishing or passively punishing will only create more problems.
How do I get the change I want without alienating my partner.
Understanding this is at root of all great relationships.
Instead of triggering your partner negatively, tigger them positively.
Trigger them to want to help you, care for you and support you, if you don’t know how then it means you don’t know them well enough yet.
Not being understood could be one of the root reasons a couple are in trouble.
Approached correctly most people will respond well all you need is a new pattern of approach.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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