One relationship model that almost guarantees failure is a trading relationship.
It never works because love can’t grow; intimacy will die as attraction fades.
Trading relationships usually have a devastating impact on a couple’s sexual connection.
So what is a trading relationship?
It’s where one person gives a little with the hope of gaining a lot. It’s a model used to avoid vulnerability.
It’s called a trading relationship because it is the model business people use to make a profit.
In relationships people don’t like to be overexposed, they don’t want to be made a fool of, so they hold back.
One of the problems of a trading relationship is the focus is on the person giving, not on the person they are giving to.
This makes the transaction all about “me”. “Me” focused relationships will always die.
They give with the sole purpose of wanting to receive.
I often hear the philosophy you have to give love to get it, but it’s not true and sets up an expectation that will create more pain.
In successful relationships, your mission must be to always give more than you get.
You must give because it’s who you are, not because of what you want back.
You must give your gifts freely as this represents who you are.
When you hold back your gifts you let fear run your relationship and in doing so your partner will think this is who you are.
To stop trading you must know who you are!
You must self-validate.
You must plan your life for success.
The people most likely to trade are the ones who are most afraid, and in life, fears tend to be self-fulfilling.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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