Today’s post is highly relevant to married couples as well as for single people looking for love. It is important because creating attraction is critical no matter what relationship phase you are in.
The pitfall that most people fall into in the early stages of their relationship is they naturally give to their partner what they think they themselves would like.
The problem the couple now face is they are very likely to want to please each other, but they could be turning each other off without knowing. People who are dating end up losing partners that are potentially good for them and married couples end up fulfilling their emotional needs outside the relationship.
For example: Men feel at their best when they are seen as strong, capable of fixing anything. If in the early days she starts to feel good in the relationship and gives back to him she could be over compensating for what his mission was and this could kill his energy with her.
He could start to find he is less attracted to her as she feels his energy change she could become needy or negative further communicating she could be wrong for him or she could just take over and look after him which he could actually like but this will kill the relationship.
Understanding his mission will help her to keep him attracted to her. His mission was to please her and be the man he wants to be for her. This is critical for him. If she shows her gratitude and then looks for additional ways to please him she has now taken away his need to meet the challenge.
He can feel he has to do very little and she is happy initially. Women in this place can be happy with all the attention she is getting and builds an image of what this man is like, based on the image she creates she gives and gives.
If she is giving too much his masculine energy to break through the challenge of pleasing her dies.
Men need challenges if there are none at home, maybe sport or work could be that new challenge for him.
If women in this place do give and give and notice he is losing interest or is becoming lazy in the relationship then she will start to feel resentful of his lack of effort with her.
Women in this place will be honest and open initially to their partner. Men see this honesty as a criticism and as negative and a sign he is failing with her. This is the start of real problems because pleasing her initially was his mission her unhappiness is proof he is not doing well.
If he was to see her unhappiness as a compliment to him, that she feels comfortable to open to him then he would be focused on the challenge she has posed rather than his failure as a man. You see women open to each other and they see this as a positive sign of sharing and giving.
All men hear is I can’t please her or she is impossible to please.
If women and men understood there are fundamental differences between them the world would be a very different place.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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