The most natural thing to do when life seems to be going wrong is to feel consumed by all your problems. You could talk to others about your problems, play them over and over in your mind. It could be that when life goes wrong you have learnt that worry is what you do, maybe mum was a worrier, or dad didn’t trust people.
Whatever you do when things go wrong is learnt, but there is an outcome that worry creates as the natural laws of life come into play.
- If you expect to fail, expect to fail.
- If you focus on worry, your life will be full of worry.
- If you think you can’t do some thing then you you’ll be right.
- If you look for what’s wrong you find lots of things that are wrong.
- If you hold back love expect love to be on hold.
- If you focus on a life you don’t want, expect to get that life.
- If you feel you are not lucky, luck will avoid you.
People that are conditioned to be negative and sceptical certainly have their place. For example in business for brain storming sessions, I have asked creative people to come up with great ideas to solve a specific problem. I then share all those ideas with analysts so they can explain which ideas would work and which one would not.
To the creative people they would be classed as negative people, but they can be very useful. Businesses use a “what’s wrong with this… focus all the time” they need to uncover costly problems before they happen.
So I agree negative focused people do have their place, however if their focus was consistently on what’s wrong in all areas of their life then a challenge will hit that person.
You see optimistic people are far more likely to be successful in life. They don’t fear in the same way, they try things, embrace failure and see each failure as something to learn from.
A fearful negatively focused person will see the problems, feel the fear and never try it holding back in case they fail. The problem is by holding back they have already failed. They could argue I have saved my time and of course this will be true, but what will they fill their time with, yes you got it, more worry.
The irony is the laws of life are very simple: Whatever you focus on is what you will get.
So the person who is fearful of their relationship going wrong will create behaviours that is very likely to harm the relationship so the result is it will go wrong.
If you focus on not having enough money then you are conditioning and teaching yourself how to be a person without money.
So if you think being focused on your problems will keep you safe it maybe be time to rethink. Worry is really a message that the actions you are taking are not working.
So your mission today is to start to make a conscious note of what you fill your own mind with. Because whatever it is, this is the goal you are heading for right now.
If what you discover is not what you want then a significant change is clearly needed.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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