If you are not getting results in your life that you want then it’s a great idea to ask why?
The easy route is to put blame on external factors, my partner is not right for me, I don’t have enough money, I’m too fat, too thin, too old.
The challenge with this approach is it changes nothing, it keeps the person stuck and increasingly resentful that life is not what it should be.
This can lead the person to settle that this is just how life is, this makes them vulnerable and so they have to rebalance their world which could lead them to become hard and bitter over time.
If life feels wrong, take responsibility for the way it is today (this will put you back in the drivers seat) and become focused on how you really want it to be. This simple shift of focus puts the person back in charge.
If you do this you will notice there is a gap between where you are and where you want to be.
Your mission now is to become curious about what changes you are able to make within you that helps you on the path to your desires.
Look at this example
The woman who says she doesn’t love her husband yet never leaves him, she needs to become curious as to why? What’s really happening for her?
Not loving him serves a purpose for her, but gives her a life devoid of love, and full of loneliness and negativity.
She spends years coping and running from her pain, yet activating her own pain with through her actions.
She does this without knowing. All she feels is pain and fear for her future, but the pain of leaving feels equally bad.
She is frustrated and copes by drinking her troubles away.
There is a reason why she is so stuck, the reason sits within her.
She feels bad and she attaches her pain to what she thinks is the problem.
She is trying so solve the problem of how can I stop the pain. The problem she needs to focus on is why am I so afraid to love him. You see she fears loving him, but she can’t bear losing him either.
She has created a prison which she can escape if she changes her thinking and asks of herself a different question.
We would probably find out the love she had as a child was not consistent enough for her to trust those around her and so love is not a pleasure for her, it is an anxiety.
For her it’s obvious, when she is with her husband she feels uncomfortable and needs to leave. She assumes this means they are wrong together, but is then confused why she can’t leave so finds a reason to justify it.
Becoming curious about why we do what we do creates confidence and security that we do actually have the power to change our lives.
It is not luck that some people are very successful in their lives. They just ask different questions which create consistently different actions that naturally lead them to success.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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