The Wall Of Protection

May 23, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Be aware that if you build a wall of protection around you in your relationship three things will happen:

  • You will numb yourself from feeling pain.
  • You will block any positive advances from your partner.
  • You will block and shut down your ability to feel towards your partner.

The wall serves the purpose of creating the CERTAINTY the person needs, BUT it will disconnect the person from their partner.

This disconnection helps the person to feel that their relationship is dead, this is not always true. The feelings can be dormant rather than dead.

So couples can end their relationship though a lack of understanding.

One of the questions you can ask is this: Is my partner trying to hurt me?

You will probably discover that even though your partner does hurt you that is not their intent. What hurts can be their sheer frustration at not being able to get through.

Knowing your partner is NOT trying to hurt you is one of the green lights to exploring the potential in the relationship.

Filed Under: Marriage Problems Tagged With: , ,

If you’re willing to change your thinking you can change your life

May 20, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

If you are not getting results in your life that you want then it’s a great idea to ask why?

The easy route is to put blame on external factors, my partner is not right for me, I don’t have enough money, I’m too fat, too thin, too old.

The challenge with this approach is it changes nothing, it keeps the person stuck and increasingly resentful that life is not what it should be.

This can lead the person to settle that this is just how life is, this makes them vulnerable and so they have to rebalance their world which could lead them to become hard and bitter over time. [Read more...]

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What makes us happy?

May 14, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

For 72 years, researchers at Harvard have been examining this question, following 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age.

The answer won’t surprise you.

Source

Filed Under: Life Lessons, Life Purpose Tagged With: ,

We Build Walls Of Protection Around Us When Marital Problems Strike But Does It Work?

May 10, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Building a protective wall around us when emotional challenges strike in a marriage is a fairly normal process. The goal is usually to create security for that individual because life is not the way it should be.

He doesn’t care, she’s always negative, he never listens, she is aggressive and cold…

The question is, does this emotional wall work to create the security the person is after?

In the short-term the person can feel relief because when they shut down they can numb the pain they are experiencing.

The challenge the wall creates is it builds a 2 way block, the person will block out the pain, but they will also block out what they really need to be happy. This creates real problems for any marriage because it heads them to loss of respect and the end of the marriage.

For example:

[I have used a female in this example, but males will do their version of this too.]

If a female has tried and tried to get through to her husband and failed, she will stack her resentments towards him and eventually feel that she has no choice, but to create her own strength because he is not there for her in the way she needs.

It’s like she puts on a suit of armor so he can no longer hurt her. [Read more...]

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Marriage Tip Five: Understand Why You Are Together?

May 6, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Will a couple survive if they don’t share a reason to be together? Couples who plan their journey though life and work as a team towards those goals are far more likely to want to stay together because they have a real purpose.

Creating that purpose helps to build a strong lasting intimate connection.

Most couples vision starts with attracting each other, moving in, getting engaged, getting married and having children. The couple excited about life can race through these goals within a few years. [Read more...]

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Marriage Tip Four: The Power Of The Vicious Circle

April 29, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

You know the situation, your partner has assumed you have done something to hurt them. You try to explain that they are wrong and they have misunderstood you, but they won’t listen. Frustrated you end up losing your temper and now the problem is escalating out of control.

What started off as a simple disagreement is now a power struggle where hurt, resentment, disbelief and a loss of love starts to grow.

Both people end up feeling misunderstood and unloved. [Read more...]

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Marriage Tip Three: Never Ever Give Up Without The Real Facts

April 8, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

One of my clients asked me, why have I decided to work with couples with marriage problems and why specifically have I decided to work with couples in extreme marital crisis?

This for me was an easy question, because…

I am passionate about relationships and family. I am especially passionate about helping lost couples find their way back to each others hearts. Also when I know there are other little hearts involved I feel even more responsibility to guide them all to safety.

  • I believe that no matter how bad a marriage becomes, couples can turn their relationship around quickly, the reason so many don’t is because they don’t know how. So exhausted they give up trying.   [Read more...]
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If Your Marriage Looks Like It’s Ending What Do You Do?

April 7, 2013 By Stephen Hedger 2 Comments

If one person thinks the marriage is over and the other disagrees, what do you do? This couple from Manchester, Brian and Christine share their personal story of trauma and their courage to discover their truth for their son…

My wife told me out of the blue that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore. This came as a complete shock to me. I had known that things weren’t great between us but had just assumed it was one of those patches that every marriage goes through. Clearly my wife felt very differently.

As we have a young child we agreed that we would go and see a couples counsellor – a decision that was pretty disastrous. That counsellor took a difficult and upsetting situation and turned it into something much worse.  The sessions were bleak, depressing and frankly fairly poisonous – they made us both feel awful about ourselves and our relationship and made us believe that there was little hope for us to turn things round.

After several sessions with that counsellor things kind of fell to pieces and I was pretty convinced that we were heading for divorce. [Read more...]

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Selection of Testimonials

April 7, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

To help others feel inspired to get results some of my clients have been kind enough to provide detailed information on their experience of what it’s like to work with me.

I hope their stories will inspire you to know massive changes are possible…

To your success

Stephen Hedger


  • My wife told me that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me
  • Break-up: Coaching – I lived with a narcissist for 14 years
  • Relationship Coaching – Husband had moved out
  • Coaching after an affair – Struggles to accept affair
  • Dating Coaching – Years of being alone ended in happiness
  • Relationship coaching – Igniting passion
  • Reuniting families
  • Crisis Coaching – Couple on brink of divorce
  • Pre-Marital Coaching
  • Life coaching – journey of self-discovery
  • Coaching for Chronic Fatigue (ME) & Marriage problems
  • Coaching to overcome fears
  • Infidelity puts marriage in crisis
  • Please save our marriage
  • Coaching through Emotional trauma
  • More…
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    Marriage Tip Two: Are You Enough For Your Partner?

    April 1, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

    If a person has a life without a planned direction or purpose then what should that person should expect from their life?

    What would happen to the couple without direction or life purpose, they get married and don’t plan their journey through life? What should they expect from their life together?

    The secret to success in this world is simple, you have to work out where you can add value and plan to add lots of value to whatever is important to you. [Read more...]

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