Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Advisor | Harley Street London

When anything becomes more important than your partner problems will never be far away.

Too many relationships are stressed because a husband or a wife is living with a feeling that they are, for example, number 3, 4 or 5 on their partner’s list of importance.

This feeling is a dangerous one to have because it’s going to create a stacking of resentments.

This is going to affect a person’s emotional security and this will lead to a loss of connection.

No connection = no trust!

No trust = no relationship.

So never make something or somebody more important than them.

Work, hobbies, parents, the hot colleague, even kids yes that’s right, kids.

I know some will fight me on this.

Kids need you to be solid with each other or they will become unsettled.

I remember one lady who ran herself ragged, putting all her attention into her kids.

In fact, she quite literally had no time for anything else, the kids were in every club going.

To her they were everything.

She had put so much importance into them which on one hand is amazing, but she forgot how to be a wife.

So her and her husband lived together in identities called businessman and mother.

Identities that people create can make or break a relationship and too many people do not see this as an issue.

This problem is why so many couples become stressed when children leave home they have lost their connection as husband and wife because they lived together as a mum and dad.

In this lady’s case, she had no time for her relationship and she didn’t see it as a problem (because she was doing a good thing) which was unfortunate because her marriage was dying.

So she was being part of a problem that would eventually devastate her children’s lives.

If you spoke to her children and asked if they would give up one day of activities so mum and dad’s relationship could survive and they would stay together I know they would do it in a heartbeat.

Most children will do anything to stop mum and dad from splitting up, 15 year old girls are bedwetting to distract mum and dad from their constant conflicts.

Couples must become a solid team where each person feels they matter to the other.

Never make anything more important than your partner because trouble on some level will quickly follow.

If you do have children remember your relationship is teaching them a model of how relationships work and growing up they will model what you teach.

Stephen Hedger
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