You’ve told the story a hundred times.
To your professional helper. Your friends. Yourself.
“I tried everything.”
“They never listen.”
“I’m always the one who has to fight for us.”
You believe the story — because it feels true.
But has anyone asked if it’s serving you?
Here’s the uncomfortable truth:
Your story is shaping your identity — and your identity is shaping your marriage.
The problem is, most professional help won’t challenge it.
They’re trained to validate your perspective…
…not disrupt it.
But if no one challenges your story, here’s what happens:
- You stay locked in your version of events.
- You look for evidence that confirms it.
- You relate to your partner through a filter of pain and proof.
And every time they speak, your story translates it before you even hear it.
That’s not communication.
That’s emotional confirmation bias.
Here’s what most people don’t realise:
The mind doesn’t care if your story is true.
It only cares if it protects you.
And the more pain you’ve felt, the more you’ll distort your partner’s behaviour to make sense of it.
They’re not distant — they’re defeated.
They’re not controlling — they’re scared.
They’re not cruel — they’re lost in survival, too.
Your story might make you feel right…
But it might also be the reason they can’t love you anymore.
What I do differently:
I won’t just listen to your story.
I’ll ask:
- “Where did this belief come from?”
- “What emotion is driving this story?”
- “How does this story make you act in your marriage?”
- “Who do you become when you believe it?”
And then:
“Who would you be without it?”
You don’t need more empathy for your pain.
You need more power over the story that’s running your relationship.
Because when your story changes —
Everything else can, too.
No matter how broken your relationship is you must rebuild your relationship with yourself