It’s not an accident that couples are struggling with being on the same page and are unable to get through to each other.
If you think about it how can we ever really understand another person’s view of the world and what they are really experiencing?
You see everyone is having a very different perception of life and what it’s really about.
In relationships these differences can cause real problems as each person uses their own unique filters of experience to establish their partners meaning when they act or speak.
Without thinking we can find ourselves unhappy with our own perception of our partners’ words and actions and we can make them responsible for the meanings we have created about them.
This process can trigger us to self-protect and is almost guaranteed to cause upset especially if both people are using their own filters to judge what their partner is really trying to say.
When a couple starts their communication they don’t intend for it to end in conflict or disconnect, but so many conflicts start the same way and the couple probably takes their conflict down the same old well-trodden path.
The problem in so many cases isn’t the relationship, it’s the individuals’ inability to use the correct filter of understanding when they are listening to their partners’ words or behaviours.
Far too many people are far too quick to move towards judgement and blame when there is a different choice available to them should they wish to take the time to learn it.
What if judgement and blame was replaced by learning, understanding and caring.
What if a different meaning could be created and a learnt negative pattern was replaced by a new way of triggering our partners positively and not negatively, wouldn’t that create the win-win situation everyone really wants?