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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Insecure in a relationship? Discover how to fix this…

Becoming insecure in a relationship should not be underestimated in terms of the suffering a person goes through.

Insecurity in a relationship has it’s foundations in a person feeling they might not be enough for their partner.

This is one of the most painful fears a person can experience and so will lead to all sorts of destructive behaviours.

The destructive behaviors are rooted in the person feeling a need to protect themselves.

  • Some people will overly please at the cost to themselves.
  • Others will withdraw
  • Some will become anxious or depressed
  • Many will become aggressive
  • Some will become over-controlling
  • It also makes some very needy

Those are a few common examples, none of which will protect them or their relationship.

Many insecure people end up feeling alone, abandoned, or controlled.

To be clear some people can feel this way even if their partner is not trying to hurt them.

The key to dealing with being insecure in a relationship is about understanding a few critical parts.

Insecure people are essentially putting the power of their own self-worth in the hands of others.

So no wonder they are worried.

You must be your own validator

What you are about to read is a typical process I would take a client through with this type of challenge.

So putting the power back in your own hands enables the person to take back control of what is happening.

Insecure people are driven by their fears.

Once the person can see that they must be their own validator and no one else is qualified to judge them, it sets them on their path to freedom.

For this person, the process is about empowerment, rebuilding self-confidence, and self-esteem.

You may notice many people aggressively say they don’t care what others think!

If there was no fear then they wouldn’t need their aggression or ego to cover it up.

We are not looking for an artificial front, authentic confidence is the only answer that works.

Plus natural confidence is very attractive quality.

Adding value to what’s important

Now the person is NOT looking to gain their own value from the opinion of others, the next step is how to add value to what’s important to us.

So someone who doesn’t understand how to add value to their partner and how to trigger their good feelings will naturally struggle.

Imagine this problem…

I am in love with you, but have no means to positively influence you. In fact all I do is trigger you to be upset.

This is the worst kind of vulnerability that will only grow fear and more insecurity.

To be clear I have some of the brightest minds in my sessions and they don’t naturally know what to do in their relationships either.

So now the person has their power and confidence back they are now in a learning state which is critical for any human’s progress.

Fear states do not enable effective learning, fear is about running or fighting.

This is why many people are so overwhelmed with their own destructive emotional states even trying to help them would bring them more discomfort.

Have you ever noticed the people who need the help the most are the ones that generally don’t look for it until they hit rock bottom.

This is why the self-validation process is such an important step.

Some of the couples that come for help will go through a personal empowerment process before couples work.

In fact, the self-validation process is used by many people on their own with me.

They are wanting to decide with a clear confident mind if they want to try to save their marriage or exit it.

Whilst they were in an insecure fear state they would have felt brain-fog and so any decision would have been too risky to action either way.

Personal confidence + Value based energy

Once a person has regained personal confidence and they know how to add value to themselves and to the relationship then the person will see the truth of their connection.

Most couples will see a far better relationship than the one they started.

The reason so many people struggle is because they don’t see the choices available to them.

In this process strategy is the key to success.

Insecure people are not in the right place for contribution and learning so they won’t make good partners until they have been helped out of that problem first.

If this has struck a chord and you now want help click below..

How to stop being insecure in a relationship

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally.


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.


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Recent Posts

  • Do You Know Your Values & Why They Are So Important?
  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
  • “How to Fix Communication Issues in a Marriage”
  • “First Step to Fixing Any Marriage Problem”
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