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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“We have nothing in common!”

At least once a week, someone will tell me “We have nothing in common!” They are usually looking to stack their reasons for why the relationship isn’t working.

When this happens I always hear this message the same way.

This person isn’t understanding what’s happening (so lost) whilst looking for reasons to feel bad and attach that to the relationship.

They don’t see it this way, but it’s what they are doing.

In my experience, most are actively looking for a way out because they don’t know how to feel good with their partner anymore.

So what does this message really mean? To me, all I hear is a limiting belief.

I’ll explain.

Let’s imagine I’m sat at home tapping my fingers, sitting and waiting for some fun to arrive.

To some, this will sound ridiculous, because it is, I would never choose this.

If want fun, I have to become the fun I want.

You see once a person understands the concept that we do our emotions to ourselves the world changes.

So the moment a person says they have nothing in common they are clearly actively choosing not to share in values that important to both people.

Some people have forgotten how, others simply don’t want to usually due to resentment stacking.

You see when my wife asks me to go shopping with her I can say “I’m not interested in shopping for women’s clothes” or I can find ways to enjoy the connection, fun, and playfulness whilst doing that task.

I can do unhappiness and misery to myself whilst “shopping” or I can play with my beautiful wife and enjoy her.

When my wife comes to events with me does she say “I don’t like motor racing” or does she enjoy connection, fun, passion, and playfulness?

People tend to have many things in common at this level but most have forgotten how.

It makes me smile when men say this to me because to get that woman I knew he would have done anything and gone anywhere to get her.

He found a way to feel good doing things he never normally would choose.

So if a person says I find that boring, it’s because that person is doing a boring energy to themselves in that context – to those that understand this, that choice makes no sense to them.

The most lost people I see are so externally referenced.

What I mean by this is they are using the outside world to feel good.

You can be a bored person looking for an event to make you happy or you can be a happy person enjoying an event, that’s a very different world one person is in control the other is not.

The problem with the externally referenced model is their feeling are reactive to what is happening around them.

In other words, they are constantly powerless and the outside world is all-powerful.

Internally referenced people are less reactive to the outside world, they chose their own emotions so are in the driving seat of what they feel.

They go to things because they want to, rather than because they need to.

These people are happy no matter what, the rest need the world to entertain them.

This is a big topic and my clients get to hear how to take back control of their life and their feelings.

This way they make better decisions and not ones they will regret.

Category iconDestructive Patterns,  Marriage Coaching,  Personal Development

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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