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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“6 Steps to Divorce”!

I agree it’s an odd title, but too many people are unaware they are in a well-defined process heading toward a divorce they won’t want.

So I want to help couples become curious about where they are so they can take action today.

It is essential to understand how to implement the right strategy to help the couple gain the right answers.

Defining where they are is the first step to helping them connect to their truth of what they are capable of achieving.

So what are the six steps – and which step are you in as a couple?

1. Attraction –

This is an early stage where fun, variety, and passion can lead the couple’s energy.

They are usually disconnected from their future problems as they don’t know what to look out for. Attraction is easy at this stage because the couple doesn’t have to do anything for it to happen due to natures chemistry.

2. Resistance –

This is when the couple’s automatic attraction chemistry is running out, normal life is appearing, and they start to butt heads on their differences of communication, needs, values, and fears start to surface.

This is uncomfortable at times, but not enough to exit.

The worry machine will have started as the couple struggle to resolve their problems.

3. Resentment –

This is when the same problems keep appearing, and one or both people can start to resent their experience.

The couple at this point is fighting to keep love and attraction alive as they fight to protect themselves from each other.

Attraction can be in question at times.

4. Detachment –

This is when the resentments have overwhelmed the person, and they will need to detach or self-numb to stop their painful feelings.

The person is in a process of shutting down the bad feelings, but they will be unaware the good feelings are being shut down with the bad.

It’s why people at this stage struggle to find good times with their partner even though they happened.

In fact at this stage the whole relationship can be rewritten to comments like – “I never really loved you”, or “I always had doubts”.

5. Decision –

This is the moment when the person makes the decision to disconnect, it’s the most powerful point and very challenging to reverse.

6. Divorce/separation –

This is when the split is confirmed.

Seeing hope

I have helped couples reconnect after each one of these steps and even the last one.

Even divorced people can regret their decision to part ways.

It’s important to know that each step towards – Step 6 Divorce/Separation – makes the process so much harder, but not impossible (to be clear every situation must be assessed as some situations are dead).

It’s also important to know that the process at any step isn’t about blindly fixing the couple.

It’s about helping both people understand what they are capable of achieving with the right information.

Each step illustrated above requires a very different strategy to help the couple through their specific problem.

For example:

The couple that enters the process at – Step 4 Detachment – is going to need a reinvestment strategy, trust will have died, and they need safe proof that reinvesting would make sense.

The couple at – Step 3 Resentment – is still invested, just not happy at their outcomes, trust is challenged at this point so they need a strategy that helps them both influence each other positively so the trust can be solidified.

The couple at – Step 1 Attraction – will not be aware of the problems they are heading towards and they will require help to see and avoid the pitfalls so many couples fall into.

The couple at – Step 6 Divorce/separation – This is the process of one person wanting to win their partner back or both people wanting to understand what went wrong and why.

It’s the most complicated step because sometimes, just too much has happened.

In some cases, the partner who decided to leave and start divorce proceedings will allow a process of support just to make sure they have not made a terrible mistake.

The mistake I see so many make is they are not connected to the step they are really in.

Understanding the step you are in is critical

One lady whose husband had an affair was unaware her husband was about to enter – Step 5 The decision. He held back on telling her it was over because he felt guilt.

He knew what he did was wrong and it bought her some time.

She was now acting as if they were both at – Step 2 – Resentment – and she kept tearing into him about his affair and how awful he was.

Instead of protecting and caring for her which is what she wanted, he ended up protecting himself from her and her constant upsets at him.

This process she created was only going to tip him over the edge and so he made the decision and left her.

She made her life significantly harder because she didn’t understand the step they were in or the implications. Now she wanted help getting him back.

You see, unless you are heading back towards – Step 1 Attraction – the relationship will continue to suffer and die.

If this has made sense to you, you are in a struggling marriage and need professional help together or on your own, click here to get started.

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Why You Love Each Other But Don’t Want Each Other
  • “Your Marriage is On FIRE”
  • What If Everything You’re Trying to Fix… Isn’t the Problem?
  • FREE Coaching: 5 Days to Clarity in Your Marriage
  • Helping Women Understand Their Husbands

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Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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