Loss of emotional and physical connection is very common and for many couples very solvable.
The problem is couples leave the problem for far too long giving themselves a stressful process with no certainty.
Loss of connection can create stress/panic in at least one person and this can make the loss of connection even worse.
Many couples that come to see me have been making their problems far worse as they ping-pong from trying to fix the problem to worry the fixes are not working.
Some people lose connection due to an event where they experience an instant loss of trust such as a betrayal of some kind.
For most couples, their loss of connection is a slow disconnect that creeps into the couples lives with no obvious reason.
For some couples, this might be a sign they have reached the end of the road.
For the vast majority it’s a sign a change is needed, the problem the couple faces is what do we focus on and how do we take those critical steps to reconnect.
I have helped many couples through this problem, from the couple where the wife had lost connection with her husband and saw it as a sign it was over, I helped him help her back into the marriage and rebuild their connection they now refer many couples to me.
What he learnt was the process and the building blocks to help her reconnect.
I’ve helped couples who have lost sexual connection, one couple assumed their problem was sexual and the pressure they put on trying to sexually connect almost caused their divorce.
Helping couples reconnect in a way that is lasting is critical, but it requires specialist understanding to help them through it.
Couples are not aware of the building blocks that must be in place to enable that free-loving connection to thrive.
This lack of knowledge is what hinders their connection because the foundation of their conversation is worry and fear.
This is why couples with sexual problems must not focus their energy into any pressure around sex or the lack of it, it will backfire and make the problem worse.
The reason couples struggle with connection is they never knew how it was created from day one.
You see you don’t fall in love you create it. It’s not some mysterious force, it’s not a love spell.
You are either creating a loving connection or you are not.
We are under the illusion that love happens to us because nature creates our initial connection chemistry, but sadly it doesn’t last.
So when the natures initial chemistry goes away the couple is usually unaware the relationship no longer has a net to catch them.
Life is busy they are focused on family, kids and work, they don’t see their relationship is not being fed what it needs to survive.
For many couples even if they knew it needed feeding they wouldn’t know what to feed it to be successful.
The couples that suffer the most are the ones where at least one person is afraid to share their worries or problems through fear they will make it worse if they speak out.
It’s worse for these couples because at least one person isn’t being open and honest and for far too long and this makes reconnection much harder.
The challenge that everyone faces is a mindset shift is required to make it work.
Please note: This is not a problem that will fix itself and you cannot just talk it out.
Emotional and sexual connection has a foundation in the individuals energy.
It’s about creating energy in one person that sparks the other persons’ passion identity.
But this cannot freely happen without a foundation of security which must be there for both people without it being their constant focus.
The energy that’s required is about feeling aligned in every part of their life.
This security of connection will enable vulnerability within both people to be connected to their primary driving force whilst creating passionate energy within yourselves that will spark your partner to feel wanted and desired.
Emotional and sexual connection starts with our connection with ourselves.
This is why a tense emotional conversation with our partner about how we are unhappy either with them or the lack of connection is only going to create more uncertainty and this will kill the free energies such as love and passion.
Reconnection is a process that can be learnt either together or on your own.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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