“If my feelings are not important to you why are we together”?
You see the whole point of a relationship is for two people to magnify the feelings they both like when they are together.
So when two people can magnify emotions such as fun, passion, humour, love (to name a few) spending time together makes total sence.
The moment the couple starts magnifying the feelings they don’t want, the relationship is no longer pleasant to be in and if practised they could find themselves with limited time left together.
Many couples are not defining the feelings that are important to them and how they happen.
They are also unaware of what kills the feelings they want so they end up out of control and reactive.
So the result is the feelings that are good are a hit and miss affair and over time the pleasure is overpowered by the resentment.
To compound the problem the way the individuals experience their emotions are different.
This can lead couples to not understand why they partner is upset.
Many people are left feeling their partner doesn’t care.
In some cases their partner is caring, but not in a way that makes sense to them.
In others the partner isn’t caring because they can’t connect to their upset because it doesn’t make sense to them.
Other people are using language patterns that grow the disconnect, but that is not their intention.
I opened this post with “If my feelings are not important to you why are we together”?
The truth for many couples is they really don’t understand their partners emotions, what they need and why.
The starting problem is they are so disconnected from how differently their partner is experiencing the same situations.
This means they won’t know what they emotionally need to get to for it to make sense to them.
So people end up judging their partners’ words and actions through their own emotional filters and this is where the upset starts.
The people can become upset as they feel criticised, attacked, blamed, shamed by their partner so instead of feeling they are on the same page they feel very separate.
Some feel abandoned, some feel unsafe, others feel they are not enough, and some can’t help but wonder if they just chose the wrong person to be with.
The answers to all these questions are in understanding how to connect to your partners’ world so your translation of their experience now makes sense and this means you can support and align rather than judge and self-protect.
Far too many relationships die through misunderstandings and NOT because they are the wrong fit.
This mistake can be devastating for families at the point of crisis and the years that follow.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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