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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“A battle is raging”

Many people are suffering because an inner battle is raging within themselves and because of this battle life isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

I see this battle in most clients that enter my session. On some level, they will try to avoid certain feelings and craft their lives around avoiding those feelings.

Some battles are easy for us all to see in other people.

The challenge is when people become very good at hiding their inner battle from the world and even from themselves.

Many share the same types of battles, but for different reasons.

Some battles are given to them growing up from equally lost parents.

Some will battle with their own purpose or direction.

Some battle their beliefs, and their mind traps them in an unfulfilling life.

Some battle with how people see them, and this changes how they act.

Some have staggering potential, but their thinking keeps them down or stuck.

Others battle their fears; some are aware of these fears, many are not; the people most affected are the ones that refuse to look at what others can see or acknowledge them themselves.

Isn’t it interesting that unless pushed, the people who need the help the most are usually the ones that won’t seek it until they have to!

Many have learned to live with their battle, normalise its self-limiting existence, and then proclaim, “this is me, or this is who I am”.

Others have detached or self-numbed the result of this overwhelming battle to stop their suffering, but their detachment blocks their ability to become vulnerable enough to create a healthy connection with others.

Many form an identity based on avoiding their fears, unaware this will only create a smaller life, and they become far less than their true potential.

Over the years, I have met everyone from industry leaders to doctors from psychologists to CEO’s and each person has had their own unique battle no matter how they present themselves to the world.

So if everyone has their own battle, imagine the chaos of these already battling minds trying to create long-term loving connections together.

The chances of each person triggering the others’ fear system are really high, enabling resentment stacking in each person.

The people most disconnected from their own emotional systems are being triggered but will deny they have fears they are trying to avoid they will simply blame their partner for making them feel bad.

Loving someone through the natural ups and downs for many ends up being a risky proposition as it can take them closer to the very fears they are desperately trying to avoid.

This vulnerability escalates the need to protect themselves from their partner.

When most people are using their unique patterns to self-protect themselves, they are not seeing this will only lead them to need more protection as their process is killing the possibility of gaining the love so many crave.

The worst affected will deny love is essential to them.

So not only now have their own internal battle to manage; they are now in a battle with another person who also has their own internal battle too.

The problem is that both people will be blind to this and will end up blaming the other for how they feel as their individual fears become triggered.

This is why so many people who are painfully overwhelmed by these two battles at the same time will look for anything that will quiet the battle.

The driving force, in the end, becomes a need for FREEDOM!

Many who get to the edge will ask for space, but the space they are after won’t ever solve the real problem.

They want freedom from the battles and to them, the easiest battle to remove is the battle they have with their partner.

In my experience, this in the end is the choice that will give them the hardest life because the real problem has still not been uncovered.

Divorce regret is significant and this is because the battle with themselves is not understood as a significant part of why their relationship isn’t working.

You see, it’s far easier and less risky to judge and blame others when things go wrong.

Those who do not understand this flawed thinking will now bring their own battle into a new relationship.

Those that choose to stay alone will have to live with their own battle whilst denying themselves a connection to their own critical needs, the need for love and connection.

So people can blame others, hide in a bottle, distract themselves with fitness, other addictions or work, but their battle will follow them until they’ve had enough or they run out of time to claim the life they always should have had.

Understanding this battle is why my starting point with individuals or couples is always to help them with their relationship with themselves first.

A person with an active fear system is not going to be in the right emotional space to see what’s really happening and what they can do to make a difference.

Couples that stay passionate for life do not live with the fears that drive other couples apart.

So there is a lot to know and understand as with anything that’s valuable in life.

In the end, if the inner battle stops a person from seeing their problems in solvable terms, then the first battle to overcome is with the person and not their relationship.

I must stress the way to help this person is only to help them see their vulnerability as a strength or they will continue a need to self protect.

Many people have sought help on their own only to heighten their need for self-protection which kills the connection.

When a person has an inner battle, the starting point is to bring them kindness, but kindness is not something either wants to bring when two inner battles meet so they must learn how.

Category iconMarriage Coaching

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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