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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Avoid this trap at all costs

I see many people fall into the trap of creating behaviours that are designed to keep them safe totally unaware these behaviours are not safe for them at all. 

To be clear, the challenge isn’t in the needing to feel safe and secure within a relationship, the challenge is the way so many do it.

What happens in so many cases is the person unwittingly creates the very thing they are trying to avoid.

Examples of people trying to feel safe but killing their relationship in the process. 

A woman became so controlling to her husband that he gave-up his masculine energy when he was around her and effectively turned into a little boy to please her. 

She then complained she was living with a child.

I see many people who overly-control their partners, this process kills their partners’ energy and it can push the controlled partner into passive control and some become secretive and lie to survive.

This process kills connection and sexual energy, the controlling person actually loses control with this pattern and is in danger of their partner physically leaving them.

——————-

The man who constantly shouted at his wife because he couldn’t cope with her erratic emotions.

Through shouting at her he did make her quiet, but he also made her emotionless to the point she lost her emotions for him.

If a person loses connection with themselves whilst they are in a relationship the relationship will die. 

The process of shouting to control a partner is one of the ways a person will disconnect from themselves when they are with their partner. 

Shouting to control never works and needs to be corrected for the relationship to survive.

——————-

One woman created a pattern of pleasing her husband to get her needs met but it never worked.

He never considered what she needed and she never respected herself by telling him or asking, she assumed he would just know.

She was under the illusion if she gave to her husband he would then give back to her. This is a very common pattern that never works.

People who give so they get something back are usually disappointed a lot of the time.

The process of giving must come from the position of I give to you because it’s who I am, not I give to you to get something back.

——————-

Another man controlled his relationship by getting upset every time he felt threatened. 

This resulted in his wife submitting to his wishes, but losing connection with who she was when she was with him.

It resulted in her feeling she needed an affair to reconnect to herself.

——————-

One lady was so afraid she wasn’t enough for her husband she protected herself by holding back her love.

The result was her husband never felt loved, so he eventually distanced himself to protect him from the worry she didn’t love him.

This process helped him fall out of love and so he left her.

——————-

What all these people above have in common is they are wanting to protect themselves from being hurt, but the way they do it actually creates the very thing they fear most.

This message is so important to learn, but very difficult for so many to grasp.

In relationships, if we have a fear, our instinctual behaviour is to protect ourselves from realising that fear. 

The way we protect ourselves is through a combination of assumptions, judging, holding back and then punishing/resenting our partner.

Practiced over years this is the perfect way to collapse a relationship.

What I’m saying is without realising a person can keep their fears alive within them by making the fear a focus.

When we make something a focus we give it energy and it comes alive.

The key is to focus on what you want not focus on what you want to avoid.

The key to helping a couple in these types of patterns is to help them connect to the need they are trying to meet through their actions and show them why their actions will never meet that need.

So we need a process that will collapse their fears and move them towards a process that will reconnect them not just with each other, but with themselves within the relationship.

The trap fears create is they disconnect us from who we really are and so limit our ability to function and be successful relationship partners.

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"Marriage in Crisis? Application to work with Stephen Hedger"

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Please Save Our Marriage! – Testimonial

March 1, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

Please Save Our Marriage! This was the first email I recieved from Darren and Sue, they were at breaking point. When they first entered my clinic you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. This was a couple with young children on the edge, breaking up seemed like the only option open to them… Sue […]

“He thought his life was over..!”

March 1, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is a little different. I wanted to share with you a clients words about his experience of the pain of his divorce and the process of rebuilding him and his future. Over to him… The words hit me like a hammer ~ “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken, you never were. […]

“His emotions were sabotaging what he really wanted…”

November 3, 2019 By Stephen Hedger

What you are about to read is about is a gentleman in turmoil. He thought he had lost the girl he loved and his one-year-old son. She had left him and this connected him to his core fears, emotions that were powerful enough to sabotage him from getting the very thing he wanted. As his […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for saving marriages from divorce through his tailored Marriage Breakthrough Program.


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • An Intimacy Conundrum
  • The cost of NOT hearing a cry for help
  • Triggered?
  • “If you change yourself, you can change your life…”
  • Effective communication for couples…

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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