For a couple who have been struggling for years they can sit in a battle between hope and despair as they ponder many questions.
Can the relationship be saved, or would any effort be futile?
Can we change, and would the change be enough to make me/us happy?
Would the changes last because going back into this stress would be too much? I’d rather be alone than suffer this again.
Some even have the battle between I’m fearful if we part and I’m fearful if we stay together.
Other questions might be…
“Am I the problem, or is it my partner?”
“What will happen to my family/kids if this ends?”
“Is our crisis a sign that I need to make a major change?”
“Am I staying for the right reasons, or just out of fear of being alone?”
“How much more am I willing to endure before I walk away?”
All these types of questions and many more have no clear answer, as no one has a crystal ball.
So, what is the next best thing to a crystal ball?
Stacking the odds in your favour by discovering the truth
The truth creates clarity, and clarity means confident decisions can be made.
I’ve had people come to save a marriage and have found out why the marriage could never support them, so they move on with a more appropriate partner.
I’ve had people who have given up all hope have found a way back and have rebuilt a safe passionate connection.
Saying you’re still married isn’t a success, especially if you are unhappy. Remember, love, happiness and joy are some of the foundational goals.
The mission is about staying in a marriage where both people can be themselves, working as a team; they are best friends and passionate about each other; that’s some of the basics of what success looks like.
So if you have been struggling, you can quickly understand if the relationship you’re in makes sense by understanding a few critical elements.
The starting point is to be clear on two specific points.
- The relationship might not be right for both of you, so you must be prepared to accept this. The people who have the most problems are prepared to fix a marriage at any cost and are more likely to make that cost themselves. In the long run, it will make both people miserable. So when fear runs the show, the outcomes are rarely good for either person.
- You must also be prepared to accept that you both have not understood your roles in the marriage and how to support yourself and each other, which will affect the relationship’s ability to grow. Relationships that can’t grow always die.
This means the objective is to discover the truth, and the truth can only come from learning.
Every couple I meet suffers from the same problem: they don’t know what they don’t know.
The most successful clients are the ones who have swapped their fear and judgements for curiosity.
In essence, when they look at the past, they move out of a destructive model of sitting in their past problems.
Clients who are ready to make a life-changing shift will discover that they cannot change what has happened, but they can change how they perceive it, and this has a profound effect on how they approach their learning and ability to move forward.
When people look at the past, they have a choice. They can choose to be victims of their past, or they can learn to see the past as an asset, i.e., something they can learn from.
With the right mindset in place, they can now understand three critical elements.
Step One: What must change for them to get to a relationship that would make sense?
Step Two: How do they navigate to that place from where they are today?
Step Three: How do they maintain their connection and move towards a designed life and relationship that makes sense to both people?
This process quickly helps both people understand if the relationship could ever make sense, and that knowledge helps the couples who should be together invest 100%.
The couples who shouldn’t be together won’t be able to achieve what’s necessary either because they won’t or it’s just not possible for them.
By investing in the right educational plan, the truth will quickly appear one way or another. Most couples get the result they are after a smaller percentage don’t get what they come for but, in the end, get something much better.
The objective isn’t to invest in a process you’re not committed to, like blindly trying to save the marriage while protecting yourself from it, because that starting point will always lead to failure.
The key is to invest your energy in a process that will be a sanity check for your life, a process that will help you understand what you’re both capable of achieving with the right information.
This is safer and protects children; staying together unhappily is not good for children.
The truth is the only thing that will set you free, so it’s important to embrace it.
One of my most recent clients said what started the process of saving her marriage was the realisation that she was prepared to leave it if it was clear it could never work.
This powerful position freed her to drop her guard fully invest and see the truth, which was a new and far more attractive connection they’d never experienced before.
Relationships are complex, and getting them right is very difficult without help. That’s why well-targeted, simple instructions and small shifts can make a world of difference.
Good people will make the change for the greater good when the change they need to make is understandable and simple to action.
If you are struggling and need clarity, whether as a couple or on your own and want to discover what is possible, please apply here …
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
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