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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Changing needs are crippling marriages

What do you do when a relationship has felt happy for years and then suddenly a negative change for no reason starts to take hold.

What do you do when what used to work no longer works and now one person is complaining the relationship is no longer working for them?

Many people can experience this very problem because the needs that used to work to make them happy has changed and no one knows that’s the problem, or what to do about it.

Look at this example: Let say a woman started a relationship and that woman craved security as a young woman and she saw that security in his confidence and his business abilities.

As the years passed and her maturity developed her need for him to provide security this way changed as she doesn’t need him that way anymore.

She now knows she can rely on herself for the security she needs and now she has very different needs, she doesn’t know what that need is so she can’t communicate how he can help her.

All she knows is she is unhappy and so she communicates that.

In contrast, he hasn’t changed at all and he’s now frustrated and confused because what used to work is no longer working.

He loves his wife but feels hopeless as she now brings a complaining energy to him and so his resentment also starts to grow at the situation.

He did nothing wrong and now he’s the reason she is upset? What on earth happened to us?

This problem happens to so many couples as age, maturity, confidence, change of situation shifting priorities all have a bearing on a persons changing needs.

This is why it’s so important to understand the needs that drive the person and help them experience those needs especially as life inevitably changes.

In many cases the person isn’t changing, the person is actually changing back to who they really are.

A person in their 20s is going to be seeking very different needs than a person in their 60s so it’s important to grow together with this understanding.

So is it possible a person can start a relationship with the wrong way to meet their needs and not be aware?

Yes of course, so it’s only a matter of time before their real need(s) comes to the surface as they now confidently wish to embrace all of who they are.

To be clear this won’t have been a plan of deception historically just a lack of connection to understand ones self.

Many factors affect someones needs changing.

  • New mums will have a natural shift in their needs.
  • People who retire early or have sold a company
  • When kids leave home
  • Death of a parent

All these are the obvious life events that can change us, but it’s the hidden ones that can be the most destructive as there doesn’t seem to be any logic attached to it.

It’s why my advice to any couple is unless you know specifically each others route to attraction, passion, needs, values works it may be a good idea to find out.

To be clear the biggest pain a person can experience in a marriage is their inability to be themselves and so if there is a critical energy that you can help your partner with it’s important to know what it is.

Is it complex no! The problem couples face is it’s not common knowledge.

Couples will always struggle to fix a problem they cannot see.

So please never ignore someones cry for help as their pain they are attaching to the relationship is real and it’s potently damaging to its ability to survive.

Category iconDestructive Patterns,  Marriage Coaching

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

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October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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