Misunderstanding part two: “You have to give to others to get back what you need”.
This thinking is assuming that trading needs is a successful practice, it is not!
The trading of needs is responsible for so many losses of connection, it kills trust, and disengages a couple’s intimacy.
So it’s not a good practice on so many levels.
The trading of needs is essentially a hidden manipulation so not connected to honesty or integrity which is why it’s so problematic and inauthentic.
If the person wishes for their needs to be met through trading, they must communicate honestly what they will give and what they expect in return.
That’s called an honest trade.
Of course, no one is going to make this honest trade as it’s ridiculous to ask someone to perform in a certain way so the person asking is emotionally happy.
Needs are not met through trading or demanding because those processes are destructive.
Needs are only met through reciprocity of being of significant value to someone.
So if someone’s needs are constantly met they will experience a trend of care and that they are important and that builds trust over time.
This helps them feel that trust and that allows them the energy of wanting to reciprocate through respect.
It’s NOT I’ve done something for you now what will you do for me?
You must give intelligently because it’s who you are.
So learning the core of what your partner needs so you can be of value to them is mission critical.
In essence, it’s critical to meet a person’s core needs and help them feel good about themselves when they are with you so they can attach those good feelings to you.
This has the most significant chance of them caring about you and your needs.
Giving to get is an imperfect mechanism, and couples that do this generally suffer a needs deficit leading them to stack resentments.
Stacking resentments leads to detachment and potentially a relationship breakdown.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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